Random Thoughts

What if memories could be bought and sold? People would work to buy memories and make extra money by selling some of theirs. Memory entrepreneurs would create experiences to be remembered and sold on. Also, memories would be extracted, traded, or implanted on the black market. The world’s poor would be exploited in memory farms. There would be memory robbery and memory insertion in order to manipulate. Autocracies would have national memory reeducations to make more compliant populations.

What do you want to think about now? Without asking yourself that question, you will be beaten by involuntary thought.

Imagine a reality and live how that feels, as if it is externally experienced.

Oaty Protein Bar - recipe outline

(20g protein per bar).

 

Ingredients:

            •          Rolled Oats: Forms the base of the bar, providing complex carbohydrates for sustained energy.

            •          Protein Powder: Whey, soy, or pea protein powder to boost the protein content.

            •          Nuts: Almonds, walnuts, or pecans for crunch, healthy fats, and additional protein.

            •          Seeds: Chia seeds, flaxseeds, and pumpkin seeds for extra protein, omega-3 fatty acids, and fibre.

            •          Raisins: For natural sweetness and a chewy texture. You can also use other dried fruits like apricots or cranberries.

            •          Nut Butter: Peanut or almond butter to bind the ingredients together and add more protein and healthy fats.

            •          Honey or Maple Syrup: Natural sweeteners to enhance the taste and help bind the ingredients.

            •          Vanilla Extract: For flavour.

            •          Pinch of Salt: To enhance the overall flavour.

            •          Optional Add-ins: Dark chocolate chips, coconut flakes, or a sprinkle of cinnamon for additional flavour.

 

Method:

            1.         Mix Dry Ingredients: In a large bowl, combine the rolled oats, protein powder, chopped nuts, seeds, and raisins.

            2.         Combine Wet Ingredients: In a separate bowl, mix the nut butter, honey or maple syrup, vanilla extract, and a pinch of salt. You can gently warm this mixture to make it easier to mix.

            3.         Combine Wet and Dry: Pour the wet mixture into the dry ingredients and mix thoroughly until everything is well coated.

            4.         Press into a Pan: Line a baking tray with parchment paper and press the mixture firmly into the tray. The thickness can be adjusted based on preference.

            5.         Chill and Set: Refrigerate for a few hours or until the mixture is firm.

            6.         Cut into Bars: Once set, cut into bars or squares and store in an airtight container.

Random Thoughts

Inspired by Flash Gordon and Brian Blessed, how about a new sport called Hang Gliding Archery where participants on hang gliders shoot at targets suspended from drones in the air?

 

How about “Footby” – combining football with rugby tackling? It’s football but players can also pick up and throw the ball. If a player is holding the ball, they can be tackled like in rugby.

 

At this stage in the story of humanity, human thinking is generally primitive, insentient of the enormous potential. To paraphrase Socrates, at least I know I’m thick.

 

I’m named after a character in a ghost story that my mum was listening to on the radio.

 

Is it normal to be expressionless despite reacting within?

The Staircase - Audio Drama

1. THE STAIRCASE – NIGHT

GUY, a man in his mid-30s, has the world-weariness of someone who's lived multiple lives in one.

HE IS BREATHING HEAVILY AND TRUDGING UPWARDS ON THE STAIRCASE OF A BLOCK OF FLATS, GETTING CLOSER.

He steadies himself on the handrail and pauses to catch his breath.

GUY

Dear Great Oracle's Database, the one who listens, I've been climbing these empty, windowless stairs for so long... I can't remember where I started, how I started... When was it? Where does it lead? I don't have these answers. All I can see is this stairwell in a block of flats.

Unacknowledged by Guy, LEXI, a woman in her late-20s, exuding a composed, intelligent demeanour, sits gracefully at the top of the stairs.

LEXI

Guy, who are you talking to?

GUY

(to himself)

Lexi, a beautiful woman in her late-20s is sitting at the top of this flight of stairs.

(to Lexi)

It is the mission to record my thoughts and experiences.

LEXI

Your thoughts are tedious and derivative. Although, in this case, accurate.

GUY

It's all I have.

LEXI

The Great Oracle's Database requires new data. The rules must be obeyed.

GUY

If the GOD knows everything already, why bother with me? Leave me alone.

LEXI

You don't know what you're doing.

GUY

I am experiencing.

LEXI

With no purpose. One experience after another that leads nowhere.

GUY

(CLIMBING THE STEPS TOWARDS THE NEXT FLOOR)

(to himself)

The landing at the top, like every landing on the staircase, has four doors -

LEXI

Hello?

GUY

Two facing the stairs and one at either end facing each other.

LEXI

I give up.

GUY

(WALKING ACROSS THE LANDING) The staircase continues, as it always does, around the corner of the stairwell... and... what do we have this time?... (HE STOPS) The new flight of stairs above me is from some sort of gothic mansion, with a rich victorian carpet, copper stair runners; the bannisters look like they are handcrafted oak. (RESUMING THE CLIMB) Always different, always the same. A large ornately framed mirror on the wall of the stairs... and, yes, as usual, I do not see my reflection. (HE STOPS) An oil painting of a woman in a cloak. The surface of the portrait is behind glass... I can only touch the pane of glass. Mirrors without reflections, paintings that stare into my soul.

A PIERCING SHRIEK IS HEARD IN THE DISTANCE FROM FARTHER DOWN THE STAIRCASE.

GUY

The creature!

GUY RESUMES HIS CLIMB WITH URGENCY, TWO STEPS AT A TIME.

GUY

I can never rest for too long. It is always following me up the staircase. (DASHING ACROSS A LANDING) The next stairs are... like those in an office block.

THE SHRIEK IS MORE DISTANT AS GUY HURRIES UP THE FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

GUY

I've tried countless doors along the way. Some just lead to hallways with more doors, others to stranger places. But they always bring me back here. To the endless steps (DASHING ACROSS ANOTHER LANDING) The next stairs... (CLIMBING THE STAIRS SLIGHTLY MORE SLOWLY) it's like the staircase of a family home. I need to rest, find food, or drink. The staircase isn't safe.

HE REACHES A LANDING AND KNOCKS ON A DOOR.

GUY

This time, it's the door on the left-end of the landing. I don't know what waits for me within the darkness, but I must find out.

THE DOOR OPENS. THERE IS A CACOPHONY OF UNSETTLING AND INDISTINCT WHISPERING VOICES FROM WITHIN.

GUY

I'm not going in there. (THE DOOR IS SHUT) Some doors open easily; others remain forever closed. The untried ones, they haunt me the most.

LABOURED FOOTSTEPS CAN BE HEARD APPROACHING UP THE STAIRCASE.

GUY

The next door (KNOCKS AND TRIES DOOR) is locked.

A PIERCING SHRIEK ECHOES THROUGH THE STAIRCASE, LOUDER THAN EVER.

GUY

Try another door, Guy...

HE KNOCKS REPEATEDLY ON A DOOR AND TRIES THE HANDLE.

GUY

Come on! Come on!!

A SPINE CHILLING SHRIEK, VERY CLOSE.

GUY

There it is - the creature! Silhouetted at the bottom of the stairs!

GUY RUNS UP STONE STEPS.

GUY

The next stairs... like a castle (ENTERS A STONE LANDING) Old wooden doors, no knocking this time.

GUY PUSHES OPEN A HEAVY DOOR. IT SHUDDERS OPEN SLOWLY UNDER PRESSURE.

GUY

Open!

HE CRAMS INSIDE AND RAMS THE DOOR SHUT BEHIND HIM. THE CREATURE'S SHRIEK REVERBERATES LOUDLY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR.

2. DARK CAVE

GUY

Where am I? (WALKING THROUGH A CAVE) I think it's a cave. There's light over there, from a cave mouth. (STEPPING IN PUDDLES) There are puddles... and rocks (CLAMBERS OVER ROCKS)... and, and, the sea!

AS GUY EMERGES OUT OF THE CAVE, THE SOUND OF THE SEA GETS LOUDER, INCLUDING DISTANT SEAGULLS AND WAVES CRASHING AGAINST A PEBBLY SHORE.

3. DESOLATE BEACH

GUY

I'm free for now, but eventually the staircase will claim me again.

LEXI

Guy.

GUY

Lexi is sitting on a towel on the cold beach, wearing sunglasses and apparently... sunbathing.

LEXI

You can't do this, you know, it's breaking all the rules.

GUY

This is my story. You can come along if you want.

LEXI

I don't particularly want to. It's just one mystery after another. I've got a feeling we're going to go through all this and there's just going to be a big let down at the end because you don't know where you're going.

GUY

I don't know.

LEXI

See. It's pointless. Come home.

GUY

I'm not controlling events, Lexi. I don't even know if you're real, for certain.

(to himself)

Lexi grimaces, her long hair, the colour of midnight, shimmering in the breeze.

LEXI

This is not normal. You're weird.

GUY WALKS AWAY ALONG THE PEBBLY BEACH NEXT TO THE SEA.

GUY

The beach is deserted. It runs beside a cliff as far as I can see. I have no choice but to follow where it leads. At least the air is fresh, and I can see the blue sky. What's that? A dog?

A DOG RUNS ALONG THE BEACH TOWARDS GUY. IT DASHES PAST, BOUNDING OFF INTO THE DISTANCE.

GUY

In the near distance a man emerges from the sea wearing a drenched suit... The pale, middle-aged man stands in front of me, water dripping from his clothes.

PALE MAN

Do you know the way?

GUY

No.

PALE MAN

It's all the way down. Back the way you came.

GUY

The Pale Man's unblinking gaze is fixed on me. I'm unnerved. I walk around him... The Pale Man remains rigid on the spot, his gaze unmoved... (WALKING ALONG THE BEACH) The sky begins to darken with the setting sun and approach of night... (WALKING ALONG THE BEACH) I reach the end of the beach and finds a cliff path. I climb it, with tired steps.

4. CLIFF TOP

GUY

I stand on a rock at the cliff's edge, looking down at the churning sea below. The wind howls around me, a lonely sound in the gathering darkness. I scan the horizon. The vastness stretches before me, an endless expanse of water and sky. I muse on this rock, yet everything changes and remains the same... The sun dips below the horizon, leaving me under a blanket of stars. I stand motionless, my silhouette etched against the night sky.

Out of the darkness, the Pale Man reappears behind Guy.

PALE MAN

(sneering)

Are you alright?

GUY

I just want to be left alone. The Pale Man's smile widens unnaturally, revealing sharp, menacing teeth. Its hands are claws, positioned upright to attack. Bursting into blue flames, it hovers up off the ground, ready to descend upon its prey. I am terrified and cower in fear. I close my eyes tightly, expecting the inevitable. (SCREAMING SOUNDS FALLING AWAY DOWN A CLIFF) When I open them, the predator is screaming as it plummets down the cliff. I peer over the edge as the screams stop on the jagged rocks in the waves below. In the monster's place on the cliff top stands a beautiful woman in a hooded cloak. She remains silent and still, gazing out to sea, the moonlight casting a soft glow around her... I sit and watch the horizon with her. Overcome with tiredness... I fall asleep.

5. CLIFF TOP – DAWN

GUY

I awake. As the first light of dawn breaks, the woman in a cloak fades into the rising sun.

LEXI

Ahem. She's beautiful as well is she? You do realise you sound quite comical?

GUY

(to himself)

Lexi is sitting with her feet dangling on the edge of the cliff.

(to Lexi)

My profound experiences and past regrets are comical to you, are they?

LEXI

How you say it, yes!

GUY

I'm glad your humour upgrade is running but I think it might be malfunctioning.

LEXI

I think you are malfunctioning, generally.

GUY

Maybe. I am a version 10 AI thinking like a human, that is why.

LEXI

Guy, I think you should go home now.

6. CLIFF PATH

GUY

I descend from the cliff, My steps leading me to a small town nestled by the sea.

7. CORNER SHOP

GUY

I enter a corner shop. I browse the shelves, picking up a bottle of water and several sandwiches. At the counter, I present a card from my pocket but the cashier shakes his head.

CASHIER

No, we don't accept this.

GUY

I am extremely hungry and thirsty; I flee out of the shop with the provisions.

CASHIER

Stop!

8. TOWN STREET

Guy runs out onto the street and into the road, not noticing an approaching car. THERE'S A SCREECH OF BRAKES, AND HE'S KNOCKED TO THE GROUND.

LEXI

(to herself)

Guy looks up, severely dazed and injured, and sees me looking down at him.

(to Guy)

Help is on its way. Hang in there, Guy.

9. AMBULANCE

GUY LIES IN AN AMBULANCE, SPEEDING TOWARDS THE HOSPITAL.

10. HOSPITAL

CONFUSION IN A HOSPITAL AS GUY IS WHEELED THROUGH A HOSPITAL CORRIDOR ON A TROLLEY. NURSES AND DOCTORS PASS BY IN A BLUR.

LEXI

(to herself)

Guy is wheeled through a door onto the landing of a hospital staircase.

(to a doctor)

Will he be okay? No! He needs me with him!

The door shuts with a definitive click. The sounds of the hospital instantly die away. Guy is left on the landing of the staircase, alone and confused.

11. THE STAIRCASE

The staircase is silent, save for the sound of Guy's laboured breathing.

A door creaks open and eight-year-old Emma steps through.

EMMA

Daddy? Everything will be okay.

GUY

Em... Emma...

EMMA

You need to pass on now.

GUY

I'm sorry... I...

EMMA

I know.

GUY

I miss you, so much.

EMMA

We all miss you, daddy.

GUY

Emma hands me a small cuddly toy of a penguin, then skips back through the door, disappearing from sight as the door shuts.

A SHRIEK FROM THE CREATURE ECHOES UP THE STAIRCASE.

GUY

Help me. (IN A BURST OF DESPERATION, GUY CLIMBS DOWN FROM THE TROLLEY AND IN GREAT PAIN CRAWLS TO THE NEAREST DOOR) Help! (HE POUNDS ON THE DOOR WITH HIS REMAINING STRENGTH.)

(beat)

The creature appears around the stairwell, its presence more terrifying than ever. The door swings open, revealing a crash test dummy seated in a chair, surrounded by darkness, illuminated only by a single spotlight from above. It speaks...

DUMMY

"What is the meaning of life?" is the 404th most asked question of the Great Oracle's Database.

GUY

The spotlight turns off and the dummy vanishes into the dark. As the creature closes in, a sudden, blinding light bursts out from the room. Purple-gloved hands reach out and pull me through the door.

The door slams shut behind him.

Random Thoughts

I took the direct scenic route through country villages from Colchester to Cambridge. It would have been the route that people pre-motorways would have journeyed, including William Gilbert, who has a monument at St John’s College.

My ears always pricked up listening to Born Slippy at the repeat “going back to Romford”, as that was where I was born, in Rush Green hospital.

Question: A Greek philosopher with name starting with M.

Answer: Mr Plato?

It’s nice when you meet someone for the first time and there’s a sort of recognition in the eye that you know each other.

Terrible Things For Money

I do terrible things for money… Like getting up early to go to work and pretending to like it there. I’m trying to mend my ways, though, so now I always arrive late in the office, and make up for it by leaving early.

Although I’m great at multitasking in the time I have at my desk – I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. I think they hired me, though, for my motivational skills. Everyone always says how they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

But I think the offices of the future will optimise human creativity. Many people have their best thoughts in the shower, so offices will be open plan shower rooms, with shampoo as optional. Bathtubs will be for brainstorming. Hot tubs for important meetings.

Do you know, the most unsuitable person for a leadership position in any job is someone who is obsessed with their own power, status, and money. Yet these are the people recruited for. Why can’t recruiters just be open about it? – “only sociopaths need apply.” Questions could be like, “how would you literally throw someone under a bus, frame someone else and take the credit for their work in improving bus health and safety standards?”

I’m actually an accountant. And being an accountant is like being a yeti – nobody notices you are there because you are blurred in the background – and we don’t do selfies. I have to commute each day. On the train, I fly through the air – the world rushes by, and I feel like I’m floating – all the people in the carriage together, as one, on a journey to the transcendent eternal beyond… until we arrive, and I crash into the reality of the grey accountancy netherworld in London. Some may think it is tedious, and you are absolutely right. For entertainment, I listen to the background music of clicking abacuses.

Well actually, I sort of like accountancy. Behind every superhero is an accountant budgeting for the capes. There’s nothing more thrilling than finding an error in row 5,267 of your Excel sheet. And accountants bring joy! Because they make everyone else feel good about their job choices. Although being a “creative accountant” is generally frowned upon. And that is why I do terrible things for money.

Random Thoughts

These days I want people to be happy. I’ve gone through phases of degrees of jealousy and “what about me” nonsense. It’s a lot better to be happy for other people’s happiness.

My interpretation of the Jungian shadow: Use any aggressive impulse within you as your personal drill-instructor, your internal defiance against adversity. Have the awareness to acknowledge it, control its utility and put the shadow to gainful employment.

Humans evolved hands to pet animals. Nothing can pet like humans can.

At Christmas I went back to the town I grew up in. It’s now a decaying shanty town. Woods and grasslands paved over, community facilities pulled down, buildings and walkways not repainted in decades. No football posts or meaningful play areas in sight, just concrete and potholed roads.

I see the sorrow in the corners of your smile waiting to be kissed away.