Christmas Wishlist

Dear Father Christmas,

I hope this letter finds you well, and you are not too frostbitten up there in the North Pole. Here is my Christmas wish list for your perusal.

First, I’d like an unlimited supply of patience. You see, I’m trying to adult, and it’s not going as smoothly as I’d hoped. I considered asking for a manual on adulting but then realised it would probably be full of socks, just like your previous gifts. So, patience it is.

Second, could you hook me up with a gym membership? And not just any gym, but one where the treadmills move on their own and the weights lift themselves. Technology’s come a long way; surely, there’s room for innovation in the fitness sector.

Third, I’d love a device that could pause time. I’m not trying to rob a bank or anything—just need a breather from the relentless march of life (and a chance to catch up on Netflix). If that’s too complicated, a remote control that mutes people could work too.

Next, how about a device that translates animal language into English? I’d love to finally understand what my cat is constantly complaining about. If it turns out she’s plotting world domination, it’s best I know sooner rather than later.

Last but not least, peace on Earth? Just kidding! What I really want is a pet dragon. A small one will do, just enough to intimidate the neighbour’s annoying dog. I promise to keep it on a leash and away from flammable objects.

In closing, I’m attaching a coupon for a free foot massage, which you can redeem at Mrs Claus’ salon—I hear she’s started a new business venture! Keep the Christmas spirit alive, and please remember: fewer socks.

Hope to share sherry and mince pies soon,

Robert (aged something and a half)