INT. OFFICE – DAY
TIM is sitting at his desk, surrounded by piles of paper,
rubber chickens, and a broken clock. His job plate on the desk reads: “Unnecessarily
Necessary Officer”. BERT enters.
TIM: (frantically flipping through papers) Ah, yes, the
documentation for rubber chicken inflation rates… utterly unnecessary! (seeing
Bert) Halt! State your unnecessary business.
BERT: I’m here to report an unnecessary problem.
TIM: Ah, is it unnecessary enough to be necessary, or
necessarily unnecessary?
BERT: It’s so unnecessary that it makes not solving it
necessary.
TIM: Ah, I see! Sit, sit. Would you like some tea, coffee,
or perhaps a liquid helium cocktail?
BERT: Er, just water, thanks.
Tim pulls out a water gun from one of his drawers and
sprays Bert.
TIM: Ah, hydrated I see. Perfect for discussing the arduous
task of unnecessary matters. Now, what’s your problem?
BERT: (wiping his face) Well, you see, I have a pet rock
that refuses to roll.
TIM: (pauses, picks up a rubber chicken, talks to it) Avery,
did you hear that? A rock that refuses to roll! That is… stupendously
unnecessary.
Tim rummages through his desk, pulling out another rubber
chicken before discarding it and finally extracting a document.
TIM: Here! A formal petition for your rock to commence
rolling! (stamping the document, the mark looks like an outline of a rubber
chicken)
BERT: (stares) You’re joking.
TIM: No, it’s stamped and everything. Your rock is now
legally obligated to roll, or else it will be declared an immovable object and
reclassified as a mountain. (holds up the broken clock) Look at the time! It’s
officially unnecessary o’clock, you are now officially unnecessarily approved
to leave.
Bert, rather bewildered, takes the document and leaves.
Tim squirts himself with the water gun.
TIM: (talking to Avery, the rubber chicken) Another
unnecessary job, unnecessarily well done. (the rubber chicken squeaks)
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