Scene 1: The Toast Crisis
(We open in a modest kitchen. It’s a simple, sunny morning, and JONATHAN, a man in his mid-30s, stands before a toaster. His hair is slightly disheveled in that “I’m an artist and have been awake for three days straight” way. He holds a loaf of bread with two hands like it’s a holy artefact.)
JONATHAN:
(To the bread, dramatically)
Ah, but which of you shall sacrifice yourself upon the fiery altar of domesticity?
(He closes his eyes, feeling the texture of the bread as though it speaks to his soul.)
JONATHAN:
You… my precious slice of simplicity… shall be my muse. We shall rise together, like a phoenix, from these embers of—(suddenly presses down the toaster lever with a flourish)—technology!
(He steps back and sighs deeply, as though the weight of the world is pressing down on his shoulders. He glances at the toaster, then suddenly dashes to a grand piano in the corner of the kitchen—because of course, there’s a grand piano in the kitchen. He slams his hands down on the keys and begins an intense, melancholic tune.)
JONATHAN:
(Singing, passionately)
The toast is in the toaster,
But the toaster’s in my soul…
A piece of bread, a piece of life,
Which part of me will it control?
(The toast pops up. He stops playing immediately, stands up slowly, and walks towards it. He removes the toast and looks at it in horror.)
JONATHAN:
(Whispers, wide-eyed)
Too… too brown… no… NO!
(He rushes to a nearby easel, slamming a canvas on it. He grabs a paintbrush and dips it in some grey paint, furiously slashing at the canvas.)
JONATHAN:
THIS. THIS IS WHAT I FEEL! The toast… it’s burnt like my dreams! Dashed! Scorched! Ruined by the mundane expectations of breakfast!
(He steps back to look at the chaotic mess of grey paint, his breathing laboured. He collapses into a chair, a broken man. His partner, CHARLOTTE, enters, holding a cup of tea.)
CHARLOTTE:
(Tired, but supportive)
Jonathan, have you burnt the toast again?
JONATHAN:
(With tragic intensity)
It’s not just toast, Charlotte! It’s the fragility of existence… it’s everything I could have been! It’s—
CHARLOTTE:
(Looks at the canvas)
Grey?
JONATHAN:
(Passionate)
Life is grey! Life is… toast that is too brown on the outside but cold on the inside! It is the tension, the dissonance, the—
CHARLOTTE:
Did you try adjusting the settings on the toaster?
JONATHAN:
(Shocked)
Adjust? Adjust?! You don’t adjust fate, Charlotte! You embrace it!
(Pause. CHARLOTTE walks over, calmly adjusts the toaster setting, places another slice of bread in, and presses the lever. They stand in silence as it toasts.)
CHARLOTTE:
Fancy some jam with it this time?
JONATHAN:
(Soulfully)
Jam? Yes… yes, perhaps the sweetness of jam can heal the scars of the past… though it will never fully—(CHARLOTTE hands him the jam jar, cutting him off.)
(The doorbell rings. JONATHAN gasps and looks toward the door as if it’s the entrance to the underworld. He hesitates, pacing back and forth.)
JONATHAN:
(Whispers)
Who dares? Who beckons from the outside world? Is it destiny? Is it… chaos? Or is it merely—?
CHARLOTTE:
It’s probably someone selling something.
JONATHAN:
Nothing is just “probably” in this world! Every knock, every ring, is a calling, an invocation, a—
(The doorbell rings again. JONATHAN races to the door, yanks it open as though flinging open the gates of fate. The POSTMAN, completely unfazed, hands him a package.)
POSTMAN:
Parcel for Jonathan. Need a signature.
JONATHAN:
A signature? You request my… my mark upon this world? The confirmation of my presence in this plane of existence?
POSTMAN:
Yeah. Just… here, mate.
JONATHAN:
(To himself, staring at the paper)
A signature. A mark. But what does it mean to sign something? What does it mean to be someone? What if I don’t even know who I am—?
(CHARLOTTE appears behind him, gently takes the pen, and signs the form.)
CHARLOTTE:
There you go. Thanks.
(The POSTMAN nods and leaves. JONATHAN clutches the parcel, looking at it with suspicion and awe.)
JONATHAN:
What mysteries does this small, cardboard coffin contain? What truths shall be revealed upon its opening?
CHARLOTTE:
It’s your new watercolours.
JONATHAN:
(Deeply moved)
Ah… a new palette for the soul.
(He takes the package to the kitchen table and sets it down with reverence. He takes out a parcel knife to open it, but then hesitates.)
JONATHAN:
(Whispers)
The first cut… the incision… it is like the first stroke of a brush upon the empty canvas of life.
CHARLOTTE:
Or, you know, a parcel knife on cardboard.
JONATHAN:
(Speaking faster, inspired)
But what is cardboard? It is but trees reborn, captured, transformed into something else—a vessel for human endeavour!
CHARLOTTE:
(Under her breath)
It’s literally just watercolours.
Scene 2: The Dinner Drama
(Later that evening. JONATHAN and CHARLOTTE are at the dinner table. CHARLOTTE eats calmly. JONATHAN is staring at his fork, turning it over in his hand, lost in deep thought.)
JONATHAN:
(Softly)
Isn’t it strange… how we stab at our sustenance? These tools… these cold, metal implements, to tear apart what the earth has provided. Is that not the most profound statement of our relationship with nature?
CHARLOTTE:
It’s a lasagne, Jonathan.
JONATHAN:
(Tormented)
But the layers, Charlotte! The layers! Like the layers of the human soul! Cheese, pasta, meat, cheese, pasta—each one a reflection of our inner being, slowly baked in the oven of experience, and we… we devour it without thought!
CHARLOTTE:
(Sighs)
Eat your lasagne.
JONATHAN:
(Stabbing a piece)
I am eating, but I am also consuming the very essence of—
CHARLOTTE:
You’ve got a bit of sauce on your chin.
(JONATHAN freezes, drops the fork dramatically, and grabs a napkin like it’s the end of the world. He wipes his chin slowly, as though this tiny act carries the weight of the cosmos.)
JONATHAN:
(Softly, broken)
It is… always the sauce that betrays us.
END.
No comments:
Post a Comment