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Wednesday, 14 September 2022

Journal 2022-09-13

Someone was asking me about the constitutional settlement in the UK, and I had to correct myself fives times by saying “the monarch” instead of “the Queen”. My mind just didn’t want to use the new words.

Kim Jong-un has a 100% approval rating by his adoring serfs. The Kremlin is getting there with all their 180-degree advances.

I think the biggest compliment I’ve had in my office life was, “if we could clone Rob, everything would work.” I remember because I laughed. 

When in ultra-efficient robot mode, I prefer asynchronous written communication over imprecise talking. I appreciate short, focused written updates at standard intervals, such as by a certain time of each day. A feature that sends reminders and tracks the updates would be useful.

Your state of mind can affect how you interpret the behaviour of others.

Search for a good lesson in a bad situation. Avoid bad habits in an easy situation.

Listening to podcasts helps me transition to and through unappealing routines.

Stress mode is not enjoyable but is productive for getting practical things done when the energy is focused on positive action rather than negative thoughts. My personal bests for creativity arrive when I am relaxed.

🖤 Dark chocolate with black coffee 🖤

I’ve got a thing for supremely dark chocolate. Sometimes I do speak literally.

Stories determine wellbeing. The ability to put self-told stories down, change them, or rewrite them, determines wellbeing. Every syllable counts.

The best stories speak from fundamental truth; the worst from secondary distorted sensations.

People assign themselves an identity from what society tells them. Imagine if that social situation is warped. Imagine if all that fell away. What is left, in terms of intrinsic worth?

Everything was interesting.

Sunday, 4 September 2022

Journal 2022-09-04

Listening to classical music on headphones is a hack for me when I need to concentrate on one task for a sustained period of time. I think it calms the sea of thoughts that want to compete for attention.

I like designing apps using Figma. Bubble is a very easy way to prototype those designs.

I think I need to listen to the classical music in case other random massive project distractions just pop in.

I can only do comedy as a bizarre character, such as myself.

Just as we cringe at some of the motifs in old film and TV, hopefully future viewers will squirm at some of the current output.

Thinking based on the current point of the zigzagging trend can make you a well-fed sheep, on a mutton farm.

Saturday, 27 August 2022

Random Thoughts

Beliefs control people. It takes kindness and bravery to drop an interpretation that is used for cruelty.

Any person can do a lot of good. Instead, most energy is spent spinning from the algorithm operating on you.

Imagine a world where people live for hundreds of years, still living day-to-day with the mentality learnt from some medieval mud pit.

I do not fit into the 18th century left-wing/right-wing classification system and neither do most thinking people on most issues. “Conservative” implies past beliefs must be conserved, even though the world is constantly changing. “Progressive” in the political sense is a marketing slogan that suggests anyone not conforming to every current enforced dogma of the group is regressive.

I am not interested in market ideology nor the discredited social ideologies of the 19th and 20th centuries. I am interested in what works. I’m interested in truth and facts, not politicking. I want what is self-actualising to be open to all.

I am not relaxing if it becomes a challenge to see how much I can relax.

I would like functionality where the user can configure and share their own automations for personal finance and investments. Machine learning suggestions in this sphere also has enormous scope.

I have wasted a lot of time in my life, preoccupied with being low quality and crap; although I suppose it’s been interesting to know what that is like. It would be nice now to compare to the opposite.

Friday, 26 August 2022

Random Thoughts

If there were a simulation, instead of being just one character, how about being eight billion simultaneously? Your consciousness would constantly alternate between every person in an infinitesimally small period of time, giving you the illusion that you are in the same individual continuously. Each person would have different memories, personality and context, and you would have no knowledge that your consciousness is living everywhere, in everyone.

Authoritarian governments will find it ever easier with technological advancements to zombify and control their populations. When such a government, helped by surveillance technologies and AI, is able to know what you are thinking and feeling, where you are and what you are doing, has control over all the information you receive, and knows your personality impulses precisely - what hope has anyone to escape from the hell constructed for them by the resident psychopaths? China is already a long way down this path, Russia is hurrying to this end too.

There must be a model of openness that prospers in democratic countries. The algorithms that will increasingly guide our lives should be open source and publicly reviewable. There needs to be better realtime checking of fakery, using methodology that is publicly available. There must be a culture and processes in place to ensure transparent, accountable decision-making.

The time window for getting this right is now and we may never get the chance again.

Wednesday, 24 August 2022

Journal 2022-08-24

To be ultra-confident you can either be a deranged narcissist or you can be yourself completely. The former is fragile, needing lies and selfishness to delay its inevitable demise; the latter invites a playful, open curiosity to life and what is.

There is no desire to convince others that you are happy when you are actually happy. There is no desire to show off to others when you have a sense of fulfilment. There is no hunger for external validation if you appreciate yourself. Showing off a glamorous lifestyle on social media as the suggested purpose of work is no purpose at all.

Initial ideas are easy only if they arrive from the lightbulb moment. The conditions that had to be in place for a person to be able to form original creative ideas were probably far from easy to obtain.

Sunday, 21 August 2022

Journal 2022-08-21

I tried work once, but I prefer cake, selfies and sunsets.

Your mental state affects your physicality. It’s also true the other way round.

An interpretation of Human World is that Guy/John is mentally ill and is projecting the thoughts of his split personalities on his interpretation of events. It actually looks quite good on camera when he is in the location of the scenes and just speaking the parts of the first-person narrative to himself as a monologue, cut with green screen shots to camera. Projecting my narration on other characters in the scenes has a weird effect and also works. Film length will be about 8 hours. Accompanying music videos will use the same scenes and characters.

The novel will also be uploaded into the Wiberty app – which will enable effective indexing of themes and meta commentary. I want shared and collaborative indexing available for any text or body of work.

“Am I real?” It’s just you I’m afraid. We’re all NPCs.

If the fundamental questions are unanswerable as a condition of existence, then what matters is not what you think, but what you do - or more precisely, the quality of how you express life, now.

It is common fallacy that because a person believes they have thought through an issue logically and arrived at an objective conclusion, anyone who does not arrive at the same conclusion must be either stupid, dishonest or mistaken. In fact, taking the example of the judicial panel system, well-informed people can be presented with the same evidence in the same context, applying the same rules, and arrive at different conclusions.

People who mindlessly follow the current trend look moronic in the fullness of time. If they could momentarily step outside and look from a better vantage point, they would be ashamed of themselves. The heroes are the ones who held true, who showed bravery to resist. True wealth is the quality of your character, the actions you displayed, not the treats you received for picking the convenient easy option. Nothing you accumulate can be taken with you - your character and the quality of your actions were everything.

Friday, 19 August 2022

Random Thoughts

A journey of a thousand lines of code begins with a single import statement.

Deserts are giant sun mines.

Negative generalisations about a person based on demographics is bigotry.

Thinking out loud… Legislature: Lower Chamber: 1,000 randomly selected people, each serving 1 month over staggered terms. Each vote by secret ballot. Upper Chamber: 1,000 experts in their fields, appointed by Lower Chamber from independent shortlists, each serving 1 year over staggered terms. Each vote by secret ballot. The Legislature rather have the government appoints members of public committees and nominates people for honours. Government: Head of Government appointed by national election. Serves 1 year. Legislation must be approved by the Legislature. Provision to be removed from office if two thirds majority in both chambers. The HOG cannot serve consecutive terms. They have a 12 month contract to do a good job before they are out. No honours, titles, or special treatment for having the job. They are not allowed to ever monetise their position beyond the salary they are paid. National referenda required for constitutional changes. Framework: No political or private funding allowed for the HOG candidate. The most popular candidates are mandated time in the national media. No political bias allowed in the media within 1 month before the national election.

Tuesday, 16 August 2022

Journal 2022-08-16

Anything creative is therapeutic to me, even if it is just some simple words like these.

These are both acting and writing requirements:

Describe the scene in detail. What is he seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. What is he thinking? What is his emotional state? What does he want? What is his backstory? What happened immediately before? Describe him. What is his personality? What are his physical characteristics? What is he wearing? How does he talk?

Improvisation is realtime writing immersed in all of this. 

Random Thoughts:

Dogma is typically deceit enforced by cruelty and murder. Freedom of expression is the foundation of civilisation that emerged (after much struggle) from our brutal past.

Casting off the shackles of the KGB means winning the right not to be raped, tortured, mutilated and murdered.

Saturday, 6 August 2022

Fantasy Land

Sometimes I dream of what I read; 
Sometimes I kiss your sleeping head - 
But only the pillow is your body, your touch a bed. 
I breathe with you, 
but you’re not there at all. 
 
In fantasy land, nothing is real 
except how I feel about you, baby. 
In fantasy land, dreams are sand 
and I am talking to the wall. 
Only love can see me through; 
Only love from only you is real to me. 
The only hope I have out here 
is that one day you'll appear, in my dreams. 
 
Sometimes I see you: 
A face in the street drifting away 
to a distant melody… 
Then I see, 
the ghost in the window is me. 
I'm not here at all. 
 
In fantasy land, nothing is real 
except how I feel about you, baby. 
In fantasy land, dreams are sand 
and I am talking to the wall. 
Only love can see me through; 
Only love from only you is real to me. 
The only hope I have out here 
is that one day you'll appear, in my dreams. 
 
Words and Music by Robert Walker

Did You Ever Love Me?

We were in love (or so we said) - 
Our days ahead “would last forever”.   
But now, you’re not here; 
The bed is cold, our story's over. 
 
Last night, where were you? 
The dawn is dark and I can't see you. 
Did you ever love me? 
Or am I just another fool for you? 
Did you ever love me? 
Did you ever love me, at all? 
 
There's no love here, in the dark alone - 
Fear stalks the night, 
I cannot hide or run; 
It hunts me down, wears me down, 
and then, cold and numb, I succumb: 
Under the dark, I fall in the wilderness, 
A thousand miles from you. 
 
Last night, where were you? 
The dawn is dark and I can't see you. 
Did you ever love me? 
Or am I just another fool for you? 
Did you ever love me? 
Did you ever love me, at all? 
 
You set me up, you set me down, 
loved me up and kicked me down - 
No love here, just fear of the dark. 
 
Did you ever love me? 
Or am I just another fool for you? 
Did you ever love me? 
Did you ever love me, at all? 
 
Words and Music by Robert Walker

Play Me Again

If you want me, you’ve got me - 
Try me, taste and buy me. 
I feel you when you look at me: 
A wave swelling over me, 
Lips swirling over my body. 
 
Get me where you want me: 
Play your game, 
For your satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
Any way you want me: 
Play the game, 
For satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
 
I come from faraway 
seeking a place to play - 
Heard sirens across the sea 
but they had no music for me. 
Then in the crimson dark, 
I heard magic in your laugh; 
Your smile unfolded, 
Bathing me down in your gold. 
 
Any way you want me: 
Play your game, 
For your satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
Get me where you want me: 
Play the game, 
For satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
 
I can hear you in your touch, 
Playing with magic, 
Warm caresses of my skin - 
You sweat salt on my tongue; 
You show me land where there was none. 
Naked rhythm murmuring, 
Covering me with you - 
The naked mystique of you. 
 
Get me where you want me: 
Play your game, 
For your satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
Any way you want me: 
Play the game, 
For satisfaction, 
Play me again. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Naughty Is Best

Someone I know is so naughty, 
Helping me up in all my glory: 
Bliss stretching up, touched by the sun - 
Like a sonic flare, the day has begun. 
In the inferno, she finds her way, 
Breathing in great aeons of shapes, 
Up and down in a fierce embrace, 
Claiming me. 
 
Naughty is best - 
Your naughty is best. 
Nicely or naughty - 
Her naughty is best. 
 
Seduced and burned, pulling me closer - 
Animal instinct sliding on the bed. 
Vulnerable and deadly, soft and powerful: 
(Darkly, you draw me) 
Doom and bliss are both as one. 
Naughty not nasty -  
Nasty is ugly, nice is nice, 
But naughty… is fun… 
 
Yeah, naughty is best. 
Nicely or naughty - 
Naughty is best. 
Naughty, naughty, 
Naughty is best. 
 
Waking up at midnight: 
There’s a clawed monster in my bed, 
Unleashed, going bump in the night. 
And on the menu: 
My life in her hands, 
Doing what she has to do. 
She bit me hard; 
She left her mark; 
And now I’m naughty. 
 
I’m so naughty, 
Because naughty is best. 
Naughty, naughty, 
Naughty is best. 
 
Words and (some) Music by Robert Walker

Sweet Salvation

Had some time, had some life, had some fun, 
and tried to put out some. 
Love has met me and love has left me - 
When I’m done, what will come? 
 
When I’m done dying, lay my head on the ground; 
And there’s a simple sign, that I ain’t coming back: 
I’ll be six feet under ground. 
Sweet salvation – you know you will be mine; 
Sweet salvation – you know it’s been a long time. 
 
I looked back at those shining eyes - 
They said: 
“Listen. Yeah, listen well: 
Simple things still left to learn, 
Live your life, 
Wait your turn.” 
I asked them, “how, how can I know?” 
 
When I’m done dying, lay my head on the ground; 
And there’s a simple sign, that I ain’t coming back: 
I’ll be six feet under ground. 
Sweet salvation – you know you will be mine; 
Sweet salvation – you know it’s been a long time. 
 
“Not yet, go back; see you another time, 
Soon.” 
 
Sweet salvation… 
 
(some) Words by Robert Walker

Come Take It All

My bruises glow red hot; 
My bruises glow red hot; 
Love me hard or love me not. 
In time all things come back, 
Like a spinning wheel - 
It turns back to where we begin; 
Read the warning: 
“Beware!” 
Do you dare? 
 
What do you want from me? 
Do you want my sin? 
Do you feel my meaning? 
It’s where I’ve been; 
It’s where you’ve been; 
It’s sweat all over me. 
 
I can be what you want to see; 
I can be big or I can be small - 
Your choice, come take it all. 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, all, all. 
 
Your choice for more poison; 
I can pretend to be what you hope to see - 
But what you need is so much more: 
Be who you are. 
 
What do you serve? 
You receive what you give 
and get what you deserve; 
In time, you lose what you steal - 
Sapped by illusion, dead by exhaustion, 
Self-gratified, but never satisfied. 
 
What do you want from me? 
Do you want my sin? 
Do you feel my meaning? 
It’s where I’ve been; 
It’s where you’ve been; 
It’s sweat all over me. 
 
I can be what you want to see; 
I can be big or I can be small - 
Your choice, come take it all. 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, all, all. 
 
What you give comes back to you - 
Take only when you give your all. 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, all, all, all. 
 
What you give comes back to you - 
So what do you want from me? 
If you want it all: 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, all, all. 
Come take it all, come take it all. 
 
What do you really need? 
If you want it all: 
Come take it all, 
Come take it all, all, all, all. 
Come take it all, come take it all… 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Out of Your Cage

Late at night in your bed, 
too tired to sleep, 
replaying the whole day in my head - 
Even though you smile, 
you look at me like you want me dead. 
Something lingers in the shadows, 
a distant echo of your voice 
numbs the air, stirs the nothing; 
Nothing of nothing: 
No love, no pain, 
the numbness again. 
 
Out of your cage, 
Today’s the day I get away; 
Russian roulette’s not over yet - 
No risk when I’m already dead. 
Out of your cage. 
 
You hate me now the lock is broken… 
Time’s up! I’ve had my little hour. 
But you left me there years ago, 
as time dripped through the cracks, 
stuffed and stuck in glue. 
I escape now to see a sunrise… 
I want to feel, to feel how I want to feel - 
To feel my heart beating under a stone. 
 
Out of your cage, 
Today’s the day I get away; 
Russian roulette’s not over yet - 
No risk when I’m already dead. 
Out of your cage - 
No risk, I’m already dead; 
I’m already dead. 
 
Don’t ask me to plead guilty - 
Sweat lost in a bottle for cage treats. 
Not gonna do it no more, 
Enslaved to a shallow grave. 
Live or die trying… 
Live or die trying… 
Live or die trying. 
Today’s the day I get away; 
Today, today I get away - 
Today! 
 
Another day in your bed, 
Always too tired to sleep, 
Replaying last night in my head - 
Even though I smile 
I feel like I am sleep-talking dead. 
Something lingers in the shadows: 
A distant echo of my voice, 
Numbs the air, stirs the nothing - 
Nothing of nothing; 
No love and no pain, 
The numbness again. 
 
Out of your cage, 
Today’s the day I get away; 
Russian roulette’s not over yet - 
No risk when I’m already dead. 
Out of your cage - 
No risk, I’m already dead; 
I’m already dead. 
Today’s the day I get away… 
Today. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Do It

All things happen eventually, 
Slow then slower then fast 
and suddenly 
you appear from nowhere - 
The sparks light up everywhere. 
You and me, no time like this: 
One thousand miles starts with a kiss. 
One thousand miles starts suddenly - 
Surprise explodes into the air; 
Into a new day with you; 
Into one thousand miles for you. 
 
The slower the climb, 
the better the view - 
For you I’ll start the day 
(A new first step) 
With your kiss. 
 
One thousand miles 
starts with your first step, 
So do it, yeah just do it; 
Our journey starts 
right here, right now, 
So do it, yeah just do it; 
Start today, start now, start here, 
right now. 
One thousand miles - 
just do it; 
Yeah, we should do it: 
One thousand miles starts 
right now. 
 
So do it: 
A journey of one thousand miles 
starts with your kiss - 
So do it, with a kiss. 
Start each day 
(A new first step) 
With your kiss. 
 
One thousand miles 
starts with your first step, 
So do it, yeah just do it; 
Our journey starts 
right here, right now, 
So do it, yeah just do it; 
Start today, start now, start here, 
right now. 
One thousand miles - 
just do it; 
Yeah, we should do it: 
One thousand miles starts 
right now. 
 
So do it… 
Yeah, do it… 
We should 
Do it. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Growing Young

Everyone is crazy, everyone is sane - 
Different only by degrees. 
Anyone is pain, anyone is joy: 
All things are in all things. 
 
We were born, we will cry, we will laugh, 
And we will die. 
Our best is yet to come, 
Everyone is growing young. 
 
It takes some time to reach your prime - 
Don’t turn away, throw your hat in the ring, 
Just do your thing. 
Our best is yet to come, 
Everyone is growing young. 
 
Time is the great motivator 
to live now, not later; 
Whatever you’re doing, don’t stop, 
Give it another shot. 
 
Everyone is crazy, everyone is sane - 
Different only by degrees. 
Anyone is pain, anyone is joy: 
All things are in all things. 
 
Our best is yet to come, 
Everyone is growing young. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Fake Truth

Fake truth: 
The gift for you. 
Paint it gold; put it on your finger 
and make you sold - 
The yellow glare for the change 
of some new clothes. 
It’s just a natural lie for you, 
for some big faker, fake-faking you; 
Faking you, making news 
with lines to control you. 
 
Breaking everything we know is exhausting - 
Fake truth is same old news, 
Same old lies spun round for you: 
Lies, lies, same old lies. 
So boring, so give me truth; 
Give me truth, give me truth; 
Give me 
The truth, the truth… 
The Truth. 
 
There’s a better view: 
It’s called “truth”, baby, not aimed to confuse; 
Not the same old news sunk under 
mess and confusion, mistrust of the other - 
Obscuring, misdirecting the mayhem in 
Dystopian pandemonium. 
(The great sweaty fakery 
feeding the crazy-crazy fake-fake fakery.) 
 
Breaking everything we know is exhausting - 
Fake truth is same old news, 
Same old lies spun round for you: 
Lies, lies, same old lies. 
So boring, so give me truth; 
Give me truth, give me truth; 
Give me 
The truth, the truth… 
The Truth. 
 
The same old news is boring banal; 
Right now, now, now is the real thing - 
Not some fake sloganised lies, 
unknown unknowns, 
dull, impure (fake, fake, fake, fake, fake) fakery - 
Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake… 
 
Fake truth is same old news - 
Same old lies spun round for you; 
Spun round for you, for you to die in the lie 
caught faking you; 
Fake, faking you: 
Puny lies, same old lies, faking you. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

What I'm Told

The gamble’s the same; 
The outcome’s a game -  
Ratios rigged high up to blame. 
Forever growth; 
Debt to debt; 
Interest in interest to forget. 
Ratios are always the same, 
but now thousands are billions - 
Yeah, it all adds up again… 
In the slime, 
In the time, 
It takes to count away… 
The swamp sucks me back in again. 
 
I am so masturbating, 
Pleasing me daily - 
It’s all about me, baby: 
Look at me, me, me, me, me… 
Yeah, it’s what I’m told. 
 
Look at my body; 
Look at my face - 
Look at what I’m doing 
all over the place. 
Look at me: 
Fun little me; 
Dirty little me; 
Oh, poor little me! 
I love me; 
I hate me - 
“Crazy little me” 
on my bleeding knees, 
In the struggle of my troubles, 
Thoughts bought, 
Locked in shiny little knots; 
Written to order 
for my disorders, 
Pretending how to live. 
 
I am so masturbating, 
Pleasing me daily - 
It’s all about me, baby: 
Look at me, me, me, me, me… 
Yeah, it’s what I’m told. 
 
Another goal, 
Win or lose, is never as supposed - 
In the whirlpool of your mind, 
A palace is a hut, 
A hut a palace 
depending on you. 
I know the games; 
I know the rules; 
I know the script 
you think controls you - 
Completing what you’ve been told to do, 
Speaking lines, 
Being made the fool. 
Straight in line! 
The routine of a cold counting machine - 
What you thought you were supposed to do 
(Put there years ago), 
Feeding on you… 
Feed now on the life for you! 
 
I am so masturbating, 
Pleasing me daily - 
It’s all about me, baby: 
Look at me, me, me, me, me… 
Yeah, it’s what I’m told. 
 
It’s what I’m told - 
Yeah, oh yeah, it’s what I’m told. 
Let me please you daily - 
It’s not all about me, baby. 
Let me help you… 
I’ll help you with that… 
Let me please you, maybe. 
 
Words by Robert Walker

Melt My Name

Now you’ve got me on the line; 
Now you’ve got me in the midnight: 
I hold on like I was in my stride, 
I was on my ride, 
And I lie thigh to thigh, 
And I, I, I comply. 
You know I saw you in a whole new light - 
I feel I’m holding onto something after midnight; 
Outside I lie, strumming back and forth 
In a shimmering light. 
 
Melt my name into the fire; 
Colour me in desire - 
Something deadly in your lips 
Closes in with poison tips… 
 
Secret echoes sound in the night; 
Blue smoke rising at half past midnight; 
Games of old on repeat 
In the eye of your red pure heat. 
Now I lie within your fire, 
You feel me whole and you hold me light - 
Closing up, in for the kill, 
I’ve no chance, come take your fill. 
 
Melt my name into the fire; 
Colour me in desire - 
Something deadly in your lips 
Closes in with poison tips… 
 
Melt my name… 
Melt my name… 
Melt my name in your lips: 
Melt my name in your lips; 
Melt my name. 
  
Words and (some) Music by Robert Walker