Scratch Pad

Greg:

“So… how was your weekend?”

Emma:

“Pretty boring, to be honest. Stayed in. Did nothing. You?”

Greg:

“Oh, I just sat in my bathroom, pretending I didn’t exist.”

Emma:

“You pretended not to exist? That’s cute. I spent my weekend actually forgetting I was alive. Just sat there, motionless, like an unused lamp.”

Greg:

“Well, I guess we both had uneventful weekends.”

…..

Greg:

“Okay. First question: If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you be, and why?”

James:

“Uh… a kitchen utensil?”

Greg: (nodding intensely)

“Yes, a kitchen utensil. You know, spoon, whisk, potato masher… it really says a lot about a person.”

James:

“Um, I suppose… I’d be a… spatula? Because I’m adaptable, I can flip between tasks easily, and, uh… I’m useful in most situations.”

Greg: (scribbling notes with an intense focus)

“Interesting, interesting… spatula. I see. Not a whisk? Are you sure?”

James:

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

Greg:

“Okay, okay, we can work with spatula. Next question: How would you handle a situation where you’re in a meeting with a toaster and it suddenly bursts into flames?”

James:

“Wait, with a toaster? As in… the appliance?”

Greg: (nodding seriously)

“Yes, a toaster. It’s an important scenario for us. Our office has a lot of toasters. And meetings.”

James:

“Well, I suppose I’d… unplug it first? Then maybe use a fire extinguisher if necessary? And, uh, make sure everyone’s safe?”

Greg: (scribbling furiously)

“Good, good. Fire extinguisher. Safety first. But would you also ask the toaster why it burst into flames? It’s important to listen to all team members, including toasters.”

James:

“Uh… sure, I’d ask the toaster for feedback, I guess?”

Greg:

“Exactly! It’s about communication, James. Communication with all kitchen appliances.”

Greg:

“Okay, next one’s a bit of a behavioural test. Imagine you’ve been turned into a duck for the day. You’ve still got a 9 AM team meeting—how do you participate effectively?”

James:

“A… duck?”

Greg: (nodding earnestly)

“Yes. A duck. We’ve all been there. What’s your approach?”

James:

“Well, I suppose I’d still try to contribute, maybe… I don’t know, quack in a way that communicates my ideas?

Greg:

“Great! That’s what we like to hear—adaptability. We’re all about flexibility here, and that applies even when you’re a waterfowl.”

Greg:

“Now, this one is a classic. You’re stranded on a desert island with the CEO of the company. You have one coconut, a Swiss Army knife, and a stack of quarterly reports. What’s your first move?”

James:

“A desert island? With the CEO?”

Greg:

“Yes. It’s a common scenario in the business world. Happens more often than you’d think.”

James:

“Right… I guess I’d, uh, share the coconut with the CEO? And… maybe use the Swiss Army knife to open it? As for the quarterly reports… I don’t think they’d be very useful on an island, so I’d probably ignore those for now?”

Greg: (looking slightly disappointed)

“Ignore the reports? Hmm… that’s a bold choice. Remember, the CEO loves quarterly reports. But, sharing the coconut—good teamwork.”

(Greg scribbles a note).

Greg:

“Okay, James. Final question. It’s the most important one.”

Greg:

“If you could only communicate through interpretive dance for the rest of your life, how would you handle an angry client?”

James

“Interpretive dance?”

Greg: (nodding, deadly serious)

“Yes. It’s a vital skill in today’s business world.”

James:

“I guess I’d… express their frustration with dramatic arm movements? Maybe… throw in some stomping to show how serious I am?”

Greg:

“Perfect. That’s exactly what we’re looking for.”