The Cake Conspiracy

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Luke walks into the office.

LUKE: (looking around) I knew it! The clock on that wall is five minutes fast. They're giving me extra time.

Eric is in the corner, fixing the printer.

LUKE: (to himself) Why is Eric fixing the printer when I need to print my reports today? They're making sure everything works just for me.

ERIC: Hey, Luke! Printer's acting up again. Might take a minute.

LUKE: Don’t worry, I know what you’re doing. Making sure everything is perfect for me.

ERIC: Sure... uh, just trying to print a lunch menu.

ABBIE: Hey, Luke. We’re all chipping in and ordering pizza for lunch.

LUKE: Ah, I get it! You want to make sure I’m well fed.

ABBIE: Actually, it’s Derick’s birthday.

LUKE: Sure it is. And I appreciate you making sure I have the energy for the day. Wink.

ABBIE: No, really. It's Derick’s birthday.

LUKE: That's what they want me to think!

DERICK: Hey, everyone, it's my birthday! I brought cake!

LUKE: Oh, of course, you did. For ME. Probably packed with "vitamins" and "well-wishes" to keep me healthy and happy, right? I'm onto you, Derick.

DERICK: Actually, Luke, it's for everyone because, well, it's my birthday...

LUKE: That's what they want me to think! Like when you “accidentally” paid for my lunch last week!

DERICK: I just forgot to ask you for your share.

LUKE: Or maybe you're in on it! Everyone's trying to make my life better in secret!

DERICK: Sure, Luke. Whatever you say.

LUKE: Like, everywhere I go. People are whispering, giving me things, opening doors.

ABBIE: Luke, that’s called being polite.

LUKE: (to himself) Okay, think. Who's behind all this? The government? Aliens? Oprah?

ABBIE: Nobody is out to get you, Luke.

LUKE: Oh, they are! They’re out to get me... to smile, to feel good, and to be happy! But I won’t be fooled! Maybe you're the ringleader! Are you orchestrating this grand benevolent conspiracy?

ABBIE: Yes, Luke. We all gather secretly every morning, including your dry cleaner, the bus driver, and the pigeons in the park. We have nothing better to do than to make your day slightly nicer.

LUKE: Wow, I never realised it was that extensive.

DERICK: Luke, she's joking.

LUKE: Or is she? Just this morning, the internet was down for two minutes. I think it was so I could take a break!

DERICK: It was down for everyone.

LUKE: Of course! So no one would suspect the real motive!

DERICK: (chuckling) Alright, buddy. Here's some cake.

LUKE: (grinning) Aha, small acts, so you thought I wouldn’t notice.

Luke enjoys his cake.