Dear Diary,
Decided to start journaling my thoughts for self-improvement. Five minutes in, I was doodling stick figures fighting dragons. Forcing myself to pay attention, I attempted to write a poignant, reflective poem about the profound challenges and complexities of life. Ended up with a limerick about a cat and a hat.
Diary Entry 2: Tuesday
The universe had a real sense of humour on my way to work. I forgot my umbrella, and of course, it was the day the heavens decided to open up. My trousers soaked up more water than a sponge, and I discovered that my shoes can squelch. It was like each footstep was laughing at my poor life choices.
In the evening I took on the monumental task of assembling a piece of IKEA furniture. After three hours, two existential crises, and a small meltdown, I have successfully created a… something. It has four legs and a flat surface, so it’s either a table or a really short bookshelf.
Diary Entry 3: Wednesday
Office potluck today. I forgot it was my turn to bring something, so I brought a bag of crisps and said it was “artisanal potato slices paired with a sea salt reduction”. They believed me.
Prepared tofu stir-fry for dinner. My cat looked offended by the smell. Even the dog turned up his nose at it, and he eats his own tail sometimes.
Diary Entry 4: Thursday
Joined a cooking class to expand my culinary skills. The theme was “Cooking with Wine”. I was excellent at the “with wine” part. The cooking, not so much.
Diary Entry 5: Friday
It’s Casual Friday, so I wore flip-flops to work. Got my foot stuck in the revolving door. Had to be rescued by security.
Tried mastering the art of small talk at a work social gathering. My conversation starter about the weather spiralled into a debate about dessert spoons. The topic eventually progressed to whether cereal is a soup.
Diary Entry 6: Saturday
Joined a book club to expand my literary horizons. Everyone was discussing symbolism and underlying themes. I was still trying to remember the main character’s name.
Visited an art exhibition to elevate my cultural sensibilities. Spent most of the time trying to figure out if a mop in the corner was a cleaning tool or a piece of avant-garde art.
Diary Entry 7: Sunday
Went to a friend’s party and was asked to be the DJ for a bit. Put on some classic rock, and three people asked if it was a new indie band.
Ended the week with a meditation session to find inner peace. Fell asleep and dreamt I was a potato.
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