The Eel in the Loo

• ALBOD: The Eel in the Loo

I sat on the throne at a quarter past two,
With nothing much pressing and nothing to do.
The bathroom was peaceful, the household asleep,
When something went SPLASH from the porcelain deep.

I froze.

Then I peered.

Then I whispered, “Good grief…”

For up through the U-bend, like some slippery thief,
A long, shiny gentleman, wriggly and black,
Popped out of the water and stared calmly back.

An eel.

In my toilet.

He twisted. He bobbed. He appeared quite at ease,
While I stood by the sink with my trousers round my knees.

“Excuse me,” I said, “but this lavatory’s taken.”
The eel merely blinked. He was wholly unshaken.
Then round went his tail with a confident swish,
As if I were the nuisance and he owned the dish.

I tried flushing once.

He vanished below…

The bathroom was silent.
The toilet was still.
No eel in the bowl.
Just a terrible chill.

I cautiously sat, thinking, Surely he’s gone…

Then something beneath me went:

“Evening, John.”