Journal 2021-07-10

Confirmation bias afflicts even the most objective thinkers. I am generally sceptical that people, especially in our current febrile state, have the wise nuanced answers to the big questions of society, philosophy and the human condition. I think we are usually wrong, despite the confidence and self-certainty of the protagonists, who are wrapped-up in the self-constructed “isms” and other ideological belief identities into which life is forced. But things always change. We are improving. It is better to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t know who I am” and to experience where reality turns on the journey.

The Outer View

Beneath a mountain of tedium,

In a dull, ugly system,

In an empty ocean of shadows,

Is a silhouette of pure fire heat

Drifting in the dark.

All I wanted was the wind;

The wind murmured with anticipation,

The grass turned to icy grey,

A fine mist fell,

And with the mist came my sorrow

Cooling my body

With her thousand kisses,

Leaving me there.

I am surrounded by ice crystals

Floating down through silence

Into soft glowing snow;

The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.

As the sun sleeps,

How many hearts are dreaming,

When the world stands still.

Smart Money

The aim is for smart money help available to everyone. 

Smart rules enable optimisations and automations of a person’s finances, all in one place from a single app - including saving, borrowing, payments, investments, and trading.

The community aspect enables performance measurement and sharing of the best Smart rules.

Approval Addiction

A fear of loneliness leads to desperate actions initiating pain. Enjoying the peace of solitude is breaking free from this chronic condition; and provides the realisation that if you are already complete in yourself, then there is more love in you to share. If you are indifferent to other people’s opinions about you:

·       You don’t need to pretend or hide anything;

·       You don’t need to worry about impressions or what was said;

·       You don’t need to conform to rigid or mistuned expectations;

·       You don’t need to be offended or hurt by words;

·       There is no need to show off and chase false, empty priorities;

·       You break an addiction to the approval of others;

·       You break free from inhibitions;

·       You have freedom to be who you are.

To be ultra-confident you can either be a deranged narcissist or you can be yourself completely. The former is fragile, needing lies and selfishness to delay its inevitable demise; the latter invites a playful, open curiosity to life and what is. For there is no desire to convince others that you are happy when you are actually happy. There is no desire to show off to others when you have a sense of fulfilment. There is no hunger for external validation if you appreciate yourself.

Negativity, like a virus, will attack you and attempt to feed on your energy. A thick skin is some defence, but is fragile and needs constant fierce protecting in a battle that will be eventually lost. Rather than becoming one of the infected, with it eating away at you from the inside and spreading or intensifying the infection of others, it is better to be immune. When you don’t need validation by anyone else’s good opinion, you have the chance to be who you are.

There is a greater chance of releasing your magic if not consumed by self-aggrandisement or conforming to other people’s expectations, especially if the current norms are harmful and wrong. If you are not trying to appease anyone; if you are not trying to appeal to a market demographic; and you don’t need anything: watch out, you might actually do something worthwhile. The challenge is to release what is within you, uncorrupted by falsity and lies.

Success in transcendent goals is not the same as success in negotiating positions of status in the current society, which of course will change with the relentless passage of time. It just so happens, however, that those people who were motivated mainly by intrinsic value, rather than by their individual psychological desires, produced the best long-lasting examples of beauty and creative human potential.

Original thinkers, artists, and spiritual figures often had some of their best insights in the wilderness, in periods of solitude outside of bustling society. Distance from the current melees gives a person a better perspective of the whole picture; whereas insiders of the throng who are unaware of their predicament are generally condemned to behave as they think they are supposed to, blind to anything more than the current array of behaviours, even in extreme cases where it is insane. It is a trend in history that the most interesting creators tended to be outsiders for defining periods in their lives; and sometimes the untamed spark that made them great was dampened when invited in from the wilderness—for it is a usual human failing to be carried away by expectations and hype. There were a certain set of conditions in place that instantiated quality; and once personal perceptions change, the conditions change too.

Creating something great isn’t the same as temporary popularity, as the latter can be mere pumped up, generic mania—and not necessarily correlated with merit. To do anything well, the basics need to be mastered; this involves studying how the best do what they do, and, initially at least, learning by imitation. When you fully commit to bringing an understanding of yourself and your idiosyncrasies into how you live, using all the tools you have gathered, you then have the freedom to break the constraints and to produce something worthwhile in the world.

From brain teasers to magic tricks, it is usually a wrong assumption that hides the answer. Beliefs, and accepted ways of doing things, are full of assumptions, both conscious and unconscious.

Podcast #6: Dawn

DAWN

BY ROBERT WALKER

A Little Bit of Drama

Dead shadows dance in the night
yearning for the dawn.
Cold and forgotten walking scars,
drained by decay,
wasted by time,
stretch out,
hungered and blurred,
to a spark ignited,
climbing,
rising from the ground.
From the last depths,
rays of hope entwine in the sky,
kissing the hills;
breathing new life
and wonders layered in light.
Naked with joy, a new day, a new world is born.

Journal 2021-03-21

Activities in no particular order: actor, singer, songwriter, artist, writer, financial software developer.

Journal 2021-02-28

I remember as a young kid once being reprimanded by a stranger in a shop because I said that I didn’t like some latest fad with clothes (bizarrely at the time there was a short-lived fashion of wearing patches of cartoon pictures on denim). The explanation given was that it is popular, so I am wrong for not liking it too. The fashion changed a few months later and no doubt she changed to what she was supposed to like - to behave how she was supposed to behave and to insist on others behaving that way too.

A Different Story (Gandalf the Great)

What would have happened if Gandalf had accepted Frodo’s offer of the One Ring?

Gandalf freezes, the shadow of the ring draws his hand nearer; and as the fire skips a beat, the ring falls into Gandalf’s pocket. “I shall keep the ring safe and unused. However if there is just cause to use it, I shall become the guarantor of peace,” announces Gandalf solemnly.

As night draws in, Gandalf looks back over the hills at the tiny flickering lights of the Shire. The wizard whispers to himself: “There is much to do. Much to do.” He notices the weight of his robes and the precious ring within.

Gandalf wanders, ruminating intensely upon the weaknesses of elves and men. He reasons that elves are incapable of comprehending the true power of the Ring, and would foolishly wish to destroy the golden future of Middle-earth. He knows that mere men are too easily corrupted by its power. Gandalf is absolutely resolved: he must keep the Master Ring his own secret, at all costs.

Gandalf sits on the crest of Weathertop. The days pass, the rain falls but Gandalf does not notice; he is lost in matters of deepest consequence. Then out of every corner of the darkness come the cries of The Nine: “The Ring. The Ring!”

Gandalf raises his staff and proclaims: “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor, your master, the Lord of the Ring!”

“The Ring. The Ring!” chant The Nine. As the Ring slides onto Gandalf’s finger, the sky erupts with lightning. “I am the bringer of light,” exclaims Gandalf in triumph.

Gandalf of Many Colours imprisons Saruman the Traitor and unifies elves and men against Sauron, destroying the Dark Lord and his Dark Tower of Mordor. Much rejoicing is had by all. Gandalf announces that there is much more to do – to the consternation of Aragorn, who is executed for treason, with all his followers, kinsfolk and other suspected spies of Elrond.

Gandalf later wears an imperial gown of black and proclaims himself the Lord High God of all Middle-earth. He anoints his Ringwraiths the Lords of Middle-earth, as a temporary edict to ensure order while the new Great Age of Wisdom is being forged. He puts his vast prison camps of heretics and traitors to work, building a bigger more magnificent tower on the ruins of the Dark Tower, called The Great Tower of Unity – as an example of beauty and perfection to all. Gandalf sits at the top of the tower in his golden throne room and ever-watches, ensuring his subjects are forever obeying his great will.

Gandalf is regularly overcome with anger at the disloyalty and ingratitude of his subjects, which necessitates public demonstrations of his great power, much to the amusement of the uruk-hai. Transgressors of the laws of Gandalf are sent to Mordor to learn more of The Way of Gandalf – they are not seen again.

One day, as the Lord High God of all Middle-earth is amusing himself with the antics of his hobbit court jesters, he sips from a chalice of poisoned wine, carefully prepared by his servant Grima Wormtongue. He takes his last gasp as the Ring slips from his withered finger onto the finger of his murderer. The Great Tower of Unity is renamed The Dark Tower.

But Gandalf had foreseen and refused this fate, placing his hope instead on the unnoticed deeds of hobbits. “Will you not take the Ring?” says Frodo. “No!” cried Gandalf, springing to his feet. “With that power I should have power too great and terrible. And over me the Ring would gain a power still greater and more deadly.” His eyes flashed and his face was lit as by a fire within. “Do not tempt me! For I do not wish to become like the Dark Lord himself. Yet the way of the Ring to my heart is by pity, pity for weakness and the desire of strength to do good. Do not tempt me!”

Journal 2021-02-13

I haven’t been able to do much aerobic exercise this week because of the snow and the Covid-shut gyms. One thing I have noticed is that I can suddenly lift much more because of the inactivity. It just goes to show why ultra-strong athletes have to sacrifice aerobic fitness in order to optimise their strength training.

Journal 2021-02-12

Imagine if each of your waking thoughts were logged and at the end of the day you read them back.

It would be line after line of the same thoughts pointlessly repeated.

Imagine if this were a person hanging around saying this monologue to you.

Would you be wanting more or would you prefer some peace and quiet?

Journal 2021-02-10

It seems that in the not too distant future a person could have a digital avatar that is convincingly human. So in effect people would design or choose how they wanted to look online; or at least greatly augment their appearance.

People could look like anything and any age, in real-time video, using widespread technology!

Speed Barriers

Galaxies are micro specks in the universe, yet the nearest galaxy to Earth is tens of thousands of light years away. This should make the ego feel silly, and the heart in awe at the unimaginable immensity of it all.

There are five stages in the human expansion story:

Intercontinental;

Interplanetary;

Interstellar;

Intergalactic;

Interuniversal?

To physically visit a planet at the intergalactic stage might be entirely irrelevant to an intelligent species that evolves to such a level to circumvent the speed of light – they may discover something fundamental to the nature of the universe that is completely incomprehensible to us, in our rudimentary stage of development.

Journal 2021-02-09

I am currently surrounded by ice crystals floating down through silence into soft glowing snow. The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.

Journal 2021-02-07

Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I am British; I owe my freedoms and opportunities in life to this country and I would never give up British citizenship; however, if I could live anywhere in the world, would I choose here? I think, yes, but only for the summer months. London is a magnificent city steeped in multifaceted layers of history, a true world hub for almost any interest or activity; the countryside and coasts can be beautiful, relaxing and even inspiring - but it is undoubtedly the months of perpetual darkness and dreariness that dampen its desirability.

Journal 2021-02-06

Reading 2 to 3 hours every day for a year is probably enough to skim through the complete works of Shakespeare; and this will still probably miss 90% of the meaning and richness of the text.

Journal 2021-01-24

The “us” and “them” mentality is the biggest obstacle to overcome. There is only we.

Journal 2021-01-23

A successful society unlocks all people’s potential for kindness, fulfilment and happiness.

Journal 2021-01-17

Job: employed at a financial markets brokerage firm.

Side-project: writing an algorithmic trading terminal. This may sound like a huge project but I have actually already written the back-end code - it’s just a case of placing a GUI on top. I will gradually iterate to a stand-alone FinTech App for people to optimise and automate their finances.

Music: recording a cappella versions of powerful old songs. Also putting lyrics to classical music.

Filming: have added some poems to the list of scenes I will be shooting.

First To 8

First To 8 is played on the same 8 by 8 standard board used for Chess or Checkers.

The aim of the game is to be the first player to get 8 pieces to the other side of the board.

It is arguably at a level of strategy difficulty between Checkers (the easiest) and Chess (the hardest).

Both players have 24 regular pieces, one player has one colour and the other player another colour.

Each player places their pieces on all the squares of the first three rows nearest to them.

The players decide who has the first move of the game. Each player then takes turns to move one of their pieces.

Any piece can move to 1 of 3 different squares if available: Forwards Diagonal Left, Forwards Vertically, or Forwards Diagonal Right.

“Forwards” is moving towards the opponent’s side of the board.

A movement is completed when the player removes their hand from the piece.

Only one piece can occupy any square of the board.

If before moving, a player’s piece is Diagonally Forwards adjacent to an opponent’s piece and there is an empty square in the same direction behind the opponent’s piece, the player’s piece must move to the empty square and remove the opponent’s piece from the board.

If after taking, there is a new opportunity to “take”, then the player must take again in the same move until no longer applicable – this is known as a “multi-take” and can take up to 3 of the opponent’s pieces.

A player can not take Vertically Forwards.

The player must take if the taking opportunity is noticed by the opponent.

If there is more than one opportunity to take then the player has the option to choose which piece to use for the taking move.

The other side of the board is the first row of squares nearest to the opponent.

A piece can not move when it has reached the other side of the board.

The end of the game is when one player has a piece on all 8 squares of the other side of the board – they are the First to 8 – or the end of the game is when one player can no longer move.

The winner is the player at the end of the game with the most pieces on the other side of the board.

The differences with Checkers are:

• The aim is to move quickly to the the other side of the board – not like in Checkers which is to take all the opponent’s pieces.
• Pieces can move vertically forwards as well as diagonally forwards.
• Pieces can move on both square colours.
• There are 24 pieces per player instead of 12.
• A piece can not move when it has reached the other side of the board – there are no Kings like in Checkers.

All these differences require the players to adopt different tactics from Checkers.

https://vimeo.com/506715501

Journal 2021-01-02

I describe creative activities by five broad categories: music, performance art, visual art, writing, ideas.

Examples:

At present, my paid activities can often be included in ideas.

I would include any type of personal presentation as the acting form of performance art.