INT.
QUIRKY ART STUDIO – DAY
Two
painters, Liz and Ralph, are at their easels.
LIZ: I
need to write something down, right?
RALPH:
Er, okay, why you asking me? I’ve only got a paint brush.
LIZ: I’m
making a statement, right?
He looks
at her painting of an apple.
RALPH: Er,
yes?
LIZ: Pardon?
RALPH: You
asked me a question.
LIZ:
It’s how I talk, right? Every statement is a question, right? Everybody does it
on podcasts for some reason, right?
RALPH: (joking)
Great question! Ah, that’s such a great question. Um, uh, er... like, you know,
I just wanted to, right, well, um... say, so, okay, actually, basically, right?
I mean, anyway, well, right, you see, ahem... um, yeah, so, hmm... in other
words, to be honest, I guess, yeah, I suppose... I mean, um, ah, well,
actually, you know, basically, I think... right? Er, um, ahem... right? So,
like, I mean, well, you know, it’s, right? Right? So... so, in other words, so,
er, like, erm, I guess you said something, right? Let me think, er, what did you
say again? It was, right, such a great question. Right, left, right, left, such
a great question etc. Can you at least say “left” for no reason to make it less
repetitive? Maybe throw in an “up” or a “down”?
LIZ:
That’s not right, right?
RALPH:
This is going to get very confusing if I ask for directions.
LIZ: It’s
easy, right? The pen is over there on the left, right?
RALPH: (marches
towards the pencil) Right, left, right, (hops) right?
LIZ:
No, left, right?
RALPH: (salutes
with the wrong hand) Right. (he hands over the pen) So it’s right to write and
ask questions, right? But it’s also right to make statements as questions,
right? Left, right, right, left, doesn’t really matter as long as it’s right,
right? Or left.
LIZ:
Left. Left?
RALPH:
Right, right?
LIZ: (starts
scribbling notes) Okay, I’ll write it down.
RALPH: (hops
to the door) Write? Right? (as he is walking out) I’ve left. Right!