We pray under crosses, owned by Man
And grovel to bosses, slaves to a plan;
Trapped in a web, of their endless lies,
To be spun from a thread, and eaten like flies.
Beneath a mountain of tedium,
In a dull ugly system,
In an empty ocean of shadows,
Is a silhouette of pure fire heat
Drifting in the dark.
All I wanted was the wind;
The wind murmured with anticipation,
The grass turned to icy grey,
A fine mist fell,
And with the mist came my sorrow
Cooling my body
With her thousand kisses,
Leaving me there.
I am surrounded by ice crystals
floating down through silence
into soft glowing snow.
The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.
As the sun sleeps,
how many hearts are dreaming,
when the world stands still.
This is a template outline for the areas in which I hope to contribute content over the coming decades. Everything is at robertwalker.blog, but I’ve added external links below.
It may not be practical to stretch myself thinly, but really, I see all the activities as complimentary points of interest in the same panorama.
Songwriting:
Playlist – YouTube
Singing:
Playlist – YouTube
Playlist – SoundCloud
Artworks:
Board – Pinterest
Acting:
Podcast – Anchor
Writing:
Blog – Blogspot
Screenplays – Scribd
Lyrics – YouTube
Poems, short stories, books – in progress…
Stand-up:
Comedy – planned…
Film/video:
Playlist – YouTube
Apps:
Accounting – Wibamu
Trading tools – MetaTrader
Trading system – Vimeo
Games:
Board games – Vimeo
Images:
Google Maps – Google
Board – Pinterest
Curated Playlists:
Playlist – Apple Music
Playlist – YouTube
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
Beneath a mountain of tedium,
In a dull, ugly system,
In an empty ocean of shadows,
Is a silhouette of pure fire heat
Drifting in the dark.
All I wanted was the wind;
The wind murmured with anticipation,
The grass turned to icy grey,
A fine mist fell,
And with the mist came my sorrow
Cooling my body
With her thousand kisses,
Leaving me there.
I am surrounded by ice crystals
Floating down through silence
Into soft glowing snow;
The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.
As the sun sleeps,
How many hearts are dreaming,
When the world stands still.
A fear of loneliness leads to
desperate actions initiating pain. Enjoying the peace of solitude is breaking
free from this chronic condition; and provides the realisation that if you are
already complete in yourself, then there is more love in you to share. If you
are indifferent to other people’s opinions about you:
· You don’t need to pretend or hide anything;
·
You don’t need to worry about impressions or
what was said;
·
You don’t need to conform to rigid or mistuned
expectations;
·
You don’t need to be offended or hurt by words;
·
There is no need to show off and chase false,
empty priorities;
·
You break an addiction to the approval of
others;
·
You break free from inhibitions;
· You have freedom to be who you are.
To be ultra-confident you can either be a deranged
narcissist or you can be yourself completely. The former is fragile, needing
lies and selfishness to delay its inevitable demise; the latter invites a
playful, open curiosity to life and what is. For there is no desire to convince
others that you are happy when you are actually happy. There is no desire to
show off to others when you have a sense of fulfilment. There is no hunger for
external validation if you appreciate yourself.
Negativity, like a virus, will attack you and attempt to
feed on your energy. A thick skin is some defence, but is fragile and needs
constant fierce protecting in a battle that will be eventually lost. Rather than
becoming one of the infected, with it eating away at you from the inside and
spreading or intensifying the infection of others, it is better to be immune. When
you don’t need validation by anyone else’s good opinion, you have the chance to
be who you are.
There is a greater chance of releasing your magic if not
consumed by self-aggrandisement or conforming to other people’s expectations,
especially if the current norms are harmful and wrong. If you are not trying to
appease anyone; if you are not trying to appeal to a market demographic; and
you don’t need anything: watch out, you might actually do something worthwhile.
The challenge is to release what is within you, uncorrupted by falsity and
lies.
Success in transcendent goals is not the same as success in
negotiating positions of status in the current society, which of course will
change with the relentless passage of time. It just so happens, however, that
those people who were motivated mainly by intrinsic value, rather than by their
individual psychological desires, produced the best long-lasting examples of
beauty and creative human potential.
Original thinkers, artists, and spiritual figures often had
some of their best insights in the wilderness, in periods of solitude outside
of bustling society. Distance from the current melees gives a person a better
perspective of the whole picture; whereas insiders of the throng who are
unaware of their predicament are generally condemned to behave as they think
they are supposed to, blind to anything more than the current array of
behaviours, even in extreme cases where it is insane. It is a trend in history
that the most interesting creators tended to be outsiders for defining periods
in their lives; and sometimes the untamed spark that made them great was
dampened when invited in from the wilderness—for it is a usual human failing to
be carried away by expectations and hype. There were a certain set of
conditions in place that instantiated quality; and once personal perceptions change,
the conditions change too.
Creating something great isn’t the same as temporary
popularity, as the latter can be mere pumped up, generic mania—and not
necessarily correlated with merit. To do anything well, the basics need to be
mastered; this involves studying how the best do what they do, and, initially
at least, learning by imitation. When you fully commit to bringing an
understanding of yourself and your idiosyncrasies into how you live, using all
the tools you have gathered, you then have the freedom to break the constraints
and to produce something worthwhile in the world.
From brain teasers to magic tricks, it is usually a wrong
assumption that hides the answer. Beliefs, and accepted ways of doing things, are
full of assumptions, both conscious and unconscious.
Dead shadows dance in the night
yearning for the dawn.
Cold and forgotten walking scars,
drained by decay,
wasted by time,
stretch out,
hungered and blurred,
to a spark ignited,
climbing,
rising from the ground.
From the last depths,
rays of hope entwine in the sky,
kissing the hills;
breathing new life
and wonders layered in light.
Naked with joy, a new day, a new world is born.
Activities in no particular order: actor, singer, songwriter, artist, writer, financial software developer.
I remember as a young kid once being reprimanded by a stranger in a shop because I said that I didn’t like some latest fad with clothes (bizarrely at the time there was a short-lived fashion of wearing patches of cartoon pictures on denim). The explanation given was that it is popular, so I am wrong for not liking it too. The fashion changed a few months later and no doubt she changed to what she was supposed to like - to behave how she was supposed to behave and to insist on others behaving that way too.
What would have happened if Gandalf had accepted Frodo’s offer of the One Ring?
Gandalf freezes, the shadow of the ring draws his hand nearer; and as the fire skips a beat, the ring falls into Gandalf’s pocket. “I shall keep the ring safe and unused. However if there is just cause to use it, I shall become the guarantor of peace,” announces Gandalf solemnly.
As night draws in, Gandalf looks back over the hills at the tiny flickering lights of the Shire. The wizard whispers to himself: “There is much to do. Much to do.” He notices the weight of his robes and the precious ring within.
Gandalf wanders, ruminating intensely upon the weaknesses of elves and men. He reasons that elves are incapable of comprehending the true power of the Ring, and would foolishly wish to destroy the golden future of Middle-earth. He knows that mere men are too easily corrupted by its power. Gandalf is absolutely resolved: he must keep the Master Ring his own secret, at all costs.
Gandalf sits on the crest of Weathertop. The days pass, the rain falls but Gandalf does not notice; he is lost in matters of deepest consequence. Then out of every corner of the darkness come the cries of The Nine: “The Ring. The Ring!”
Gandalf raises his staff and proclaims: “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor, your master, the Lord of the Ring!”
“The Ring. The Ring!” chant The Nine. As the Ring slides onto Gandalf’s finger, the sky erupts with lightning. “I am the bringer of light,” exclaims Gandalf in triumph.
Gandalf of Many Colours imprisons Saruman the Traitor and unifies elves and men against Sauron, destroying the Dark Lord and his Dark Tower of Mordor. Much rejoicing is had by all. Gandalf announces that there is much more to do – to the consternation of Aragorn, who is executed for treason, with all his followers, kinsfolk and other suspected spies of Elrond.
Gandalf later wears an imperial gown of black and proclaims himself the Lord High God of all Middle-earth. He anoints his Ringwraiths the Lords of Middle-earth, as a temporary edict to ensure order while the new Great Age of Wisdom is being forged. He puts his vast prison camps of heretics and traitors to work, building a bigger more magnificent tower on the ruins of the Dark Tower, called The Great Tower of Unity – as an example of beauty and perfection to all. Gandalf sits at the top of the tower in his golden throne room and ever-watches, ensuring his subjects are forever obeying his great will.
Gandalf is regularly overcome with anger at the disloyalty and ingratitude of his subjects, which necessitates public demonstrations of his great power, much to the amusement of the uruk-hai. Transgressors of the laws of Gandalf are sent to Mordor to learn more of The Way of Gandalf – they are not seen again.
One day, as the Lord High God of all Middle-earth is amusing himself with the antics of his hobbit court jesters, he sips from a chalice of poisoned wine, carefully prepared by his servant Grima Wormtongue. He takes his last gasp as the Ring slips from his withered finger onto the finger of his murderer. The Great Tower of Unity is renamed The Dark Tower.
But Gandalf had foreseen and refused this fate, placing his hope instead on the unnoticed deeds of hobbits. “Will you not take the Ring?” says Frodo. “No!” cried Gandalf, springing to his feet. “With that power I should have power too great and terrible. And over me the Ring would gain a power still greater and more deadly.” His eyes flashed and his face was lit as by a fire within. “Do not tempt me! For I do not wish to become like the Dark Lord himself. Yet the way of the Ring to my heart is by pity, pity for weakness and the desire of strength to do good. Do not tempt me!”
I haven’t been able to do much aerobic exercise this week because of the snow and the Covid-shut gyms. One thing I have noticed is that I can suddenly lift much more because of the inactivity. It just goes to show why ultra-strong athletes have to sacrifice aerobic fitness in order to optimise their strength training.
Imagine if each of your waking thoughts were logged and at the end of the day you read them back.
It would be line after line of the same thoughts pointlessly repeated.
Imagine if this were a person hanging around saying this monologue to you.
Would you be wanting more or would you prefer some peace and quiet?
It seems that in the not too distant future a person could have a digital avatar that is convincingly human. So in effect people would design or choose how they wanted to look online; or at least greatly augment their appearance.
People could look like anything and any age, in real-time video, using widespread technology!
Galaxies are micro specks in the universe, yet the nearest galaxy to Earth is tens of thousands of light years away. This should make the ego feel silly, and the heart in awe at the unimaginable immensity of it all.
There are five stages in the human expansion story:
Intercontinental;
Interplanetary;
Interstellar;
Intergalactic;
Interuniversal?
To physically visit a planet at the intergalactic stage might be entirely irrelevant to an intelligent species that evolves to such a level to circumvent the speed of light – they may discover something fundamental to the nature of the universe that is completely incomprehensible to us, in our rudimentary stage of development.
I am currently surrounded by ice crystals floating down through silence into soft glowing snow. The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.
Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I am British; I owe my freedoms and opportunities in life to this country and I would never give up British citizenship; however, if I could live anywhere in the world, would I choose here? I think, yes, but only for the summer months. London is a magnificent city steeped in multifaceted layers of history, a true world hub for almost any interest or activity; the countryside and coasts can be beautiful, relaxing and even inspiring - but it is undoubtedly the months of perpetual darkness and dreariness that dampen its desirability.
Reading 2 to 3 hours every day for a year is probably enough to skim through the complete works of Shakespeare; and this will still probably miss 90% of the meaning and richness of the text.
The “us” and “them” mentality is the biggest obstacle to overcome. There is only we.
A successful society unlocks all people’s potential for kindness, fulfilment and happiness.
Job: employed at a financial markets brokerage firm.
Side-project: writing an algorithmic trading terminal. This may sound like a huge project but I have actually already written the back-end code - it’s just a case of placing a GUI on top. I will gradually iterate to a stand-alone FinTech App for people to optimise and automate their finances.
Music: recording a cappella versions of powerful old songs. Also putting lyrics to classical music.
Filming: have added some poems to the list of scenes I will be shooting.
First To 8 is played on the same 8 by 8 standard board used for Chess or Checkers.
The aim of the game is to be the first player to get 8 pieces to the other side of the board.
It is arguably at a level of strategy difficulty between Checkers (the easiest) and Chess (the hardest).
Both players have 24 regular pieces, one player has one colour and the other player another colour.
Each player places their pieces on all the squares of the first three rows nearest to them.
The players decide who has the first move of the game. Each player then takes turns to move one of their pieces.
Any piece can move to 1 of 3 different squares if available: Forwards Diagonal Left, Forwards Vertically, or Forwards Diagonal Right.
“Forwards” is moving towards the opponent’s side of the board.
A movement is completed when the player removes their hand from the piece.
Only one piece can occupy any square of the board.
If before moving, a player’s piece is Diagonally Forwards adjacent to an opponent’s piece and there is an empty square in the same direction behind the opponent’s piece, the player’s piece must move to the empty square and remove the opponent’s piece from the board.
If after taking, there is a new opportunity to “take”, then the player must take again in the same move until no longer applicable – this is known as a “multi-take” and can take up to 3 of the opponent’s pieces.
A player can not take Vertically Forwards.
The player must take if the taking opportunity is noticed by the opponent.
If there is more than one opportunity to take then the player has the option to choose which piece to use for the taking move.
The other side of the board is the first row of squares nearest to the opponent.
A piece can not move when it has reached the other side of the board.
The end of the game is when one player has a piece on all 8 squares of the other side of the board – they are the First to 8 – or the end of the game is when one player can no longer move.
The winner is the player at the end of the game with the most pieces on the other side of the board.
The differences with Checkers are:
All these differences require the players to adopt different tactics from Checkers.
I describe creative activities by five broad categories: music, performance art, visual art, writing, ideas.
Examples:
At present, my paid activities can often be included in ideas.
I would include any type of personal presentation as the acting form of performance art.
I intend to make some interesting videos and films next year with my own green screen studio. With filmmaking I can write and perform the music and songs; write the screenplays; perform as an actor; and design the visual art and cinematography. Technology is continually providing new amazing tools to play with, so the future seems very exciting creatively!
Upload speeds:
Handwriting = 40 words per minute (wpm)
Touch-typing = 70 wpm
Speaking = 150 wpm
Download speeds:
Listening = 150 wpm
Reading = 200 wpm
Thoughts: 1,000 to 5,000 wpm
2017 – Coming soon……
2018 – Coming soon….
2019 – Coming soon..
2020 – Coming soon
2021 – ?
Science fiction presents some baffling themes around causality; for example, the future is the past because events are synchronous in all places at the same time. The current everyday understanding of causality is equally bizarre, however, since a causal chain of events cannot lead back forever, without having a prime initiating point that is outside these rules.
The art of any performance is truthfully interacting with the situation that is arising.
If all the world is a stage, then not knowing the future - or the fact that you are acting - helps create a great performance.
A fear of loneliness leads to desperate actions initiating pain. Enjoying the peace of solitude is breaking free from this chronic condition; and provides the realisation that if you are already complete in yourself then there is more love in you to share.
Slot-in, copy and repeat, replace yourself, wear-out, then die.
Look down on someone to be a success.
Or change the program.
Driving in London last night, I witnessed three separate angry outbursts in the space of five minutes by people on the roads. I always notice that the “crazy level” goes up a few notches when driving inside the M25, but that condensed series of events was the worst I’ve seen.
Dead shadows dance in the night
yearning for the dawn;
Cold and forgotten walking scars,
drained by decay,
wasted by time,
stretch out,
hungered and blurred,
to a spark ignited,
climbing,
rising from the ground.
From the lost
fallen depths,
rays of hope entwine in the sky,
kissing the hills,
breathing new life
and wonders layered in light;
Naked with joy, a new day,
A new world is born.
Live a day like it is a life in entirety.
First thought on waking is gratitude for the new day you will see.
Last thought is gratitude for the day you have lived.
The first stage of learning is being unconsciously incompetent: you don’t know what you’re not good at because you don’t know what you don’t know. Well-being skills can be learnt. One typical motif is that how you look at anything changes your experience; for example: anxiety can feel like pleasurable excitement, as the body in both mental modes vibrates in a similar state of high energy; or a difficult situation is your challenge to evolve and an opportunity for personal discovery; or peace of mind is your inner state of being, not the possession of external conditions. And so on, all empirically true but under-practiced.
A background script to run
Triggered on recognition event()
Action.Pause
Script exit
Notice…..
Kindness.
If you behave outside of current norms, people will often interpret this as either the high status of trendsetting and being above what is usually expected, or low status not fitting in.
Status sensitivity is social madness because every single person is in fact unusual.
Any person is much more than even a diverse array of influences.
So I’m really not into social twittery on twit-twat and faceblobber; my summary identity is a tortoise in hare’s clothing etc etc Twitter Twiddle Twaddle blah blah rhubarb. I am not a number, I am a blancmange, or something…
A satisfying aspect of being a monarch would have been to have resources instantly directed to your ideas whenever you wanted. Unfortunately it seems in all societies all around the world, these ideas were focused on who they were going to invade next.
Mistakes are lessons, only when the reasons are noticed; otherwise they are habits practiced each day.
Anger. What a silly thing.
Is it of any use? Nope, it unbalances you.
The orcs in the Lord of the Rings are driven by fury and are utterly useless at combat.
Energy from anger is polluted, destructive, counter-productive.
It can be used to instil fear, to incite others and to self-aggrandise - which is why it has been the emotion of choice by demagogues and sociopaths.
It is often learned as the default response to any frustration.
There is often anger at other people for not behaving as it is believed they should.
The reality however is that you have no real idea what has and is happening in the other person’s life you are judging.
The fact is you only ever see a tiny aspect of all the parts in motion.
Challenges are opportunities for insight - the harder the situation the higher the view.
In the world of work, a meeting without creating an output of value is a drain on energy and time. Incessant thinking is the perpetual meeting in the head; and if it is just going over and over the same issues without providing constructive insight, then it is pointless at best, destructive at worst. Outside this room of perpetual thinking is the freedom to notice and enjoy what is happening, instead of what you are imagining.
Never ever put yourself down.
Reasons:
Some personal pep talk points:
A little target I’ve set myself is to make it to 100. Yes I know, quality is more important than quantity, and yes many of the factors are out of my control. I don’t take it too seriously but I like having something to aim towards.
The best way to be in good health is to be grateful for each day and appreciate the moments I am living – ironically this is a lot easier when in good health.
Noticing the aliveness of the body feels pleasurable - and there is palpable relief when any tension is found and released. Mindfulness can be as simple as noticing the breathing.
I’ve been writing a thought a day here for the previous few days. I will flip now to an actual pen and paper because the closeness to the handwritten words feels more personal to me.
If you are truly happy, it is impossible to be petty, self-absorbed or unkind. Happiness lives in a much better place.
Cats and dogs are similar, only in that they both like living with you. Cats are beautiful, elegant, magical; it feels like you are honoured if they grace you with their attention. Dogs love you - all they want is to run and play, sniff things, eat food, and most importantly: your affection.
I form tears when I’m moved in any meaningful way - so if I produce them in a performance, I’m not pretending, I’m genuinely feeling what I’m doing.
I add to a file any interesting little phrases that occur to me, removing them later on if used in a song or other writing; for example, I just added: “A lived life transcends its genre.”
In retrospect similar phrases may grate on the ear with cheesiness, but if I like the sentiment at the time, then it goes in.
The content is currently about 8,000 words.
If you choose to share in the happiness of others, rather than compulsively dwelling on negatives, then you have happiness for free.
I seem to get satisfaction out of pushing myself physically – maybe because in my mind I am subscribing to the motto “no pain, no gain”. A variation on the theme is that anything initially perceived as negative can be viewed as part of a greater improvement process.
Writing a screenplay for a romance story... it’s a bit sexy!
I might develop it into a novel later, if I can make the time.
Inventions:
Songwriting:
Yes, many songs are online.
Other writing:
Some pieces are available but the bulk is within unfinished projects – would like to actually finish something substantial.
Singing:
Yep, lots of recordings.
Acting:
Yes, years of research and practice – looking to greatly expand this in the future by filming scenes and podcasts.
Public speaking:
I know this is a strength but haven’t pursued it yet.
The old line with IT is that if you want a problem fixed “turn it off then on again”. The reason is that resetting can untangle mixed-up memory and processes.
The mind if not switched off will often relentlessly loop on the same set of thoughts, gradually wearing you down, sometimes with its own errors and fictions.
There are exercises that help you apply the IT solution, and they’ve worked for thousands of years.
Tip:
Whenever you are talking about someone, assume they can hear every word. Hopefully this will remind you to be kinder.
I wouldn’t call London a beautiful city, but it is endlessly fascinating. The maze of streets emerged not by grand design but grew from what had been before. It is eccentric, hickety-pickety, throbbing with history and humanity.
Muddled, confused, unaware - what on earth were you doing? Why were you sleep-walking for so long?
