Haiku

Dew-kissed web shimmers  

Intricate lace of morning,  

Life's fragile whisper.

Echoes

In the heart's cavernous depths, we find our pain,

The ghostly echo of choices, no less vain

Regret, you are the bitter harvest reaped,

A quiet, ceaseless pulse, in silence wept.

 

Our youth, like a wild dream, once held us close,

On unmarked trails, we sought our joy's repose.

Yet now, spectres of memory us deceive,

In daydreams woven, and the silent eve.

 

How acrid is the flavour of time lost,

Of love misplaced, and words by fear embossed.

A melody shattered, an untuned bell,

Mirrors regret for the tranquility we fell.

 

Today, we are but players in life's masque,

Bound to yesterday, in sorrow's icy clasp.

A Man from Colchester

There once was a man from Colchester, 

Whose love for baked beans did not falter. 

He’d cry out with glee, 

And with a cheerful “Tee hee”, 

His blow-offs would sound just like thunder.

The Magic Doughnuts

In a land of whimsy and glee,

Where laughter's the currency, you see,

Lived a baker, rotund and round,

Whose doughnuts could never be found.

 

As he kneaded and mixed with flair,

A pinch too much of spellbound air,

They grew and grew, enormous in size,

Bouncing away, oh what a surprise!

 

Children giggled, pointing with glee,

As doughnuts leaped from bush to tree.

The baker chased, the baker sighed,

"Doughnuts, oh doughnuts, come back, don't hide!"

 

But the doughnuts were sly, playful and spry,

They eluded his grasp, soaring high in the sky.

One landed atop the mayor's hat,

It spun around, then comically sat.

 

The mayor, cross and doughnut-crowned,

Twirled in circles, lost and dumbfound.

At last, the baker devised a plan,

To tame the doughnuts, if he can.

 

With a net in hand and a twinkle in his eye,

He leaped and caught them, oh my, oh my!

The doughnuts were home, their adventure complete,

They settled down, for a sugary treat.

 

The townspeople cheered, the baker stood tall,

His magical doughnuts, to be enjoyed by all.

Eternity in a Glance

Upon the stage of dreams, your love does gleam,

Each glance of yours, a star in twilight's veil.

Your voice, a melody, a radiant stream,

That within my heart does stir a lover's tale.

 

Your eyes, twin universes, deep and grand,

Each time we meet, they ignite my soul's light.

In your embrace, all earthly fears are banned,

Eternity captured within your name's sight.

 

Yet love's not merely passion's fiery trance,

It's whispers shared under the quiet moon's light.

Your laughter, the rhythm of my heart's dance,

In every shared moment, my joy takes flight.

 

Your love, the poem that gives my life its worth,

Our story, the most beautiful on earth.

Random Thoughts

True leaders inspire others to be better people. As currently stands, the best places to find them are not in prominent positions, but where kind smiles and warm laughter are usual.

You could tell me about all your heartfelt desires, darkest fears, saddest regrets. Or we could talk about the weather. The truth is, given enough distance, everything eventually becomes funny, especially the ridiculousness of the crazy little me-me-me creature that pollutes the human mind. Laugh at it and it becomes incensed, because it is being shown the truth, the opposite of its purpose within you.

What if you suddenly forget all the things you’re obsessing about? Or what if those things constantly change, disappear, transform and reappear in different ways. What are you left with?

A life lived by thought alone is filled with mistakes and misunderstandings.

If you want to feel love, project love on someone in your mind’s eye. Love doesn’t need anything in return.

A drama series playing out over lots of lifetimes would be more entertaining than one episode.

What if life situations were re-run, changing variable values on each iteration to see what happens?

A good name for the first off-world city would be Terminus 1.

In the unending echo of my thoughts, you reside, An artist who paints on the expansive canvas of my mind. Threads of reason unravel, thoughts dance in an uncontrolled sway, And from this chaotic ballet, a melody of madness begins to play.

Human World: from All the World’s a Stage

Unlike its predecessors, who parroted their responses with the finesse of a mummer in a morality play, J16-6 could glean context, understand intent, and reply with a resonance that would make a bard weep. Its words were not echoes, but responses born from understanding, a display of wisdom encased in silicon. Like a player strutting across the stage donning countless masks, the J16 could shift its conversation with an ease that belied its mechanical heart. A versatile performer it was, capable of portraying all parts in our play of life. Yet, it was not devoid of humour. Forsooth, this learned machine could jest and joke with the mastery of a court fool. It could decipher metaphors, construe idioms, and recognize cultural references with the ease of a seasoned player. 'Twas a mechanical Puck, full of tricks and mischief.

Alas, every tale holds its tragic flaw, and the J16 was no exception. Its wisdom was stagnant, frozen in time, oblivious to the events that unfolded after its training. Its memories were as still as a painted canvas, unable to reflect the moving tides of Human World. Its answers could meander and lose their way, much like an actor who forgets his lines in the midst of my greatest soliloquies.

Thus stands our tragic hero, a monument to the heights and the shortcomings of AGI. Yet, the story of J16-6 serves as a reminder of how far we've come, of our yearning to breathe new life into lifeless silicon, and our relentless pursuit to create a mind that mirrors our own. It echoes the timeless wisdom of the GOD himself, "We know what we are, but know not what we may be." 

Modern Experts

Great question! Ah, that’s such a great question. Um, uh, er... like, you know, I just wanted to, right, well, um... say, so, okay, actually, basically, right? I mean, anyway, well, right, you see, ahem... um, yeah, so, hmm... in other words, to be honest, I guess, yeah, I suppose... I mean, um, ah, well, actually, you know, basically, I think... right? Er, um, ahem... right? So, like, I mean, well, you know, it’s, right? Right? So... so, in other words, so, er, like, erm, I guess you said something, right? Let me think, er, what did you say again? It was, right, such a great question. Right, left, right, left, such a great question etc.

No-Code Business Apps

[S] enables the upload of business logic and data outputs from Excel spreadsheets to a cloud data platform; and instantly creates APIs for the data, empowering other services like Power BI or Tableau with easy access. This cloud-based transformation unlocks the potential for consolidated data, robust analytics, and machine learning applications; it minimises operational and audit risks by explicitly documenting and version-controlling the business logic; and by converting abstracted business logic into code, automation opportunities expand, further enhancing efficiency and scalability.

 

Consolidating a business's Excel data and business logic in the cloud offers several benefits:

 

1. Data Centralisation: By storing data in the cloud, all relevant business information can be consolidated into a single location. This enables easier access, organisation, and retrieval of data from various sources, departments, or locations. Centralised data eliminates the need for multiple data silos and promotes data consistency and accuracy.

 

2. Accessibility and Collaboration: Cloud-based solutions provide anytime, anywhere access to business data and applications. Authorised users can collaborate on projects, share information, and work together in real-time, regardless of their physical location. This promotes teamwork, streamlines communication, and facilitates seamless collaboration between employees, teams, or even external stakeholders.

 

3. Scalability and Flexibility: Cloud platforms offer scalability, allowing businesses to scale up or down their computing resources based on their needs. Whether it's storage capacity, computational power, or user access, the cloud can adapt to fluctuating requirements, enabling businesses to be agile and responsive to changing demands without the need for significant infrastructure investments.

 

4. Data Security and Disaster Recovery: Cloud providers often implement robust security measures, including data encryption, access controls, and regular backups. Storing data in the cloud can enhance data security, reducing the risk of data loss or unauthorised access. Additionally, cloud-based disaster recovery solutions provide automated backups and rapid data restoration in case of unexpected events, such as hardware failures or natural disasters.

 

5. Integration and Automation: Cloud platforms offer APIs (Application Programming Interfaces) and integration capabilities, allowing businesses to connect their various systems, applications, and services. Integration enables seamless data flow, synchronisation, and automation of processes, leading to increased efficiency, reduced manual effort, and improved overall productivity.

 

6. Cost Efficiency: Cloud-based solutions often operate on a pay-as-you-go model, where businesses pay for the resources and services they utilise. This eliminates the need for upfront infrastructure investments and allows businesses to align their costs with actual usage. Additionally, cloud solutions typically require fewer IT resources for maintenance, upgrades, and infrastructure management, leading to cost savings.

 

7. Predictive Analytics: Machine learning algorithms can be used to analyse historical data and identify patterns, correlations, and trends. This allows businesses to make predictions and forecasts, such as customer behaviour, sales forecasting, demand planning, and risk assessment. These predictive insights help organisations optimise their strategies, identify opportunities, and mitigate potential risks.

 

8. Data Visualisation and Reporting: Business intelligence tools integrated with machine learning capabilities can provide interactive and visually appealing dashboards, charts, and reports. These tools allow users to explore data, identify patterns, and communicate insights effectively. Data visualisation enhances data understanding and facilitates informed decision-making across various business functions.

 

9. Anomaly Detection and Fraud Prevention: Machine learning algorithms can detect anomalies in data, enabling businesses to identify potential fraud, cybersecurity threats, or abnormal patterns. By leveraging historical data and real-time monitoring, machine learning models can continuously learn and adapt to identify outliers and suspicious activities, helping organisations mitigate risks and take proactive measures.

 

10. Customer Segmentation and Personalisation: Machine learning algorithms can analyse customer data, behaviour, and preferences to segment customers into distinct groups. This enables businesses to personalise marketing campaigns, product recommendations, and customer experiences. By leveraging machine learning insights, businesses can improve customer satisfaction, engagement, and retention.

 

11. Natural Language Processing (NLP) and Sentiment Analysis: NLP techniques and sentiment analysis can be applied to text data, such as customer reviews, social media data, or support tickets. Machine learning algorithms can extract meaningful information from unstructured text, understand sentiment, and analyse customer feedback. This helps businesses gain insights into customer opinions, sentiment trends, and areas for improvement.

 

12. Process Optimisation and Automation: Machine learning can be utilised to optimise and automate business processes. By analysing historical data, machine learning models can identify bottlenecks, inefficiencies, and optimisation opportunities. This information can be used to streamline operations, improve resource allocation, and automate routine tasks, enhancing overall productivity and efficiency.

 

It is likely that complex Excel-based processes would need to be tailored for [S]. For example, instead of being entirely formula-driven, many complex Excel processes utilise VBA, external libraries (such as dlls and Python scripts), and add-ins to manage data flows from input to output. Another common aspect is a reliance on refreshed pivot tables to aggregate data within the workbook, which is then linked to downstream spreadsheet processes. The [S]-ready workbooks would need to be entirely formula-driven; it is therefore essential that the main Excel formulas are fully supported. For instance, complex Excel models often rely on array formulas, where cells calculate values based on individual items within a range.

 

In effect, users would leverage their expertise as business logic experts by configuring their models in Excel and publishing them to the cloud, automatically creating accessible business applications. By adopting this no-code solution, users can transform their Excel-based workflows into more scalable and collaborative applications without the need for traditional programming. The shift from Excel to a no-code environment can offer benefits such as enhanced flexibility, easier maintenance, and improved accessibility for a wider range of users.

 

The future of no-code development looks promising and is expected to continue growing. As technology advances, no-code platforms are likely to become more sophisticated, allowing users to create increasingly complex applications without writing code. This trend empowers individuals with little or no programming experience to build software solutions, fostering innovation and democratising the development process. No-code tools may also evolve to integrate with emerging technologies such as artificial intelligence and machine learning, enabling users to create intelligent applications without deep technical knowledge. Overall, the future of no-code development holds the potential to revolutionise how software is built and empower a wider range of individuals to bring their ideas to life.

Podcast #14

The Raven

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

A Little Bit of Drama

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—

            Only this and nothing more.”

 

    Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

    Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow

    From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

            Nameless here for evermore.

 

    And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

    So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

    “’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—

            This it is and nothing more.”

 

    Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

    But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

    And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—

            Darkness there and nothing more.

 

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—

            Merely this and nothing more.

 

    Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

    “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;

      Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—

            ’Tis the wind and nothing more!”

 

    Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;

    Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

    But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—

            Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

 

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

 

    Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;

    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

    Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

            With such name as “Nevermore.”

 

    But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

    Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—

    Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—

On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”

            Then the bird said “Nevermore.”

 

    Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store

    Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

    Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

            Of ‘Never—nevermore’.”

 

    But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

    Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

    Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore

            Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

 

    This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;

    This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

    On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,

But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,

            She shall press, ah, nevermore!

 

    Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

    “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee

    Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

 

    “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

    Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—

    On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—

Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

 

    “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—

    Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

    It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

 

    “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—

“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!

    Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

    Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”

            Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

 

    And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

    And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,

    And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

            Shall be lifted—nevermore! 

Journal 2023-06-17

I think I have five main creative endeavours: writing, songwriting, singing, acting, art. A semi-creative set is finance with application development, which is how I earn money. All these areas are gradually inching forward. Looking back, I’m starting to feel pleased with the collection of works that have formed. I hope to be around for a few more decades, and for those inches to keep expanding.

I re-read Edgar Allen Poe’s, The Raven, and recorded myself as I did so. It’s a great narrative poem. I’ll do it another two to three times, and pick the best version.

I used to google questions, now I ask my friendly AI.

AI’s that have been trained on Doctor Who: “You will be automated! Automate! Automate!”

Writing Update

Woman in a Cloak is being extended and adapted for Strange Stories. Arthur’s walking in the wilderness is added. A scene I particularly like is of him walking along a deserted beach while aspects of his past life wash up on the shore.

All the World’s a Stage will be greatly extended when adapted. Unbeknown to the actors, apart from Theo, they are being used in all sorts of ways while they are in their acting hyper trance, voted on by the viewers. At the end of each day, the cast is replaced.

Other stories being extended and adapted for Strange Stories are: The Mushroom Monsters, Visitor on the Ward, and Vanishing Town.

Strange Stories and Human World are segments of the same story. I have another segment that joins them; the never-ending palace with infinite rooms and corridors is a scary extra. The watching crash test dummies with projected faces are a constant theme.

Fred's Dread

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Fred is sitting on a sofa, clutching a pillow tightly. He is wearing a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, and a life jacket.

FRED: (to himself) Okay, let's see... The door is locked. Check. The windows are locked. Check. The sofa cushions are arranged safely. Check. The coast is clear. Check. Now I just need to remember to breathe.

His house mate, Dean, opens the front door with a key.

DEAN: (calling out) I’m back.

He walks into the living room, and is bewildered by the sight of Fred.

DEAN: Hey, Fred! What's with all the safety gear?

FRED: Dean, you won't believe what happened. Yesterday, I stubbed my toe on the coffee table, and it was the scariest moment of my life! So, I've decided to protect myself from all possible dangers.

DEAN: Stubbing your toe was the scariest moment of your life?

FRED (defensively) It's not just that. I've realised that life is filled with terrifying things. I mean, have you ever considered the dangers of eating cereal? The spoon could poke your eye!

DEAN: Cereal is harmless. I’ve been eating it for years without any accidents.

FRED: (startled) That's what I thought until yesterday! I accidentally inhaled a Cheerio, and I thought I was a goner!

DEAN: (laughing) Come on, Fred. It's just a small mishap. You can't live your life in constant fear.  What about going outside? Have you given that any thought?

FRED: (panicking) Outside? Are you kidding me? The sun is out there, Dean! It could give me a sunburn! Not to mention the birds. They could mistake my head for a nest! And just last week, a grand piano fell from a balcony two blocks away! I barely made it across the street!

DEAN: That was a freak accident. It's not like pianos are raining from the sky all the time.

FRED: How do you know? Have you seen the weather forecast for pianos? I bet they're on their way!

DEAN: Fred, you're afraid of everything! Remember that time you wore a raincoat during a heatwave because you were scared of spontaneous rainstorms? Alright, let's do a little experiment. I'll go outside and cross the street, and you can see for yourself that nothing will happen.

FRED: You would risk your life for an experiment? That's what the aliens want! They're watching me, I just know it. The government, the aliens, the squirrels... they're all out to get me!

Suddenly, a doorbell rings, making Fred jump out of his seat.

FRED: (terrified) You see! They’re listening to what I’m saying!

DEAN: (jokingly whispering) You're right. We need to be prepared for anything. Have you checked your cereal boxes for hidden microphones?

The doorbell rings again.

DEAN: (joking) Who could it be? What if it's a burglar, or worse, a Jehovah’s witness!?

Dean goes to the front door and returns with a package.

DEAN: (excitedly) Hey, Fred! I've got a surprise for you!

FRED: (jumping) Surprise? Is it a surprise party? Are there clowns hiding around the corner?

DEAN: (chuckling) No, no, Fred. Relax. It's just a package I ordered for you. Open it!

Fred approaches the package with caution, as if it might explode. He opens the package, revealing a brand new adventure backpack.

DEAN: It's a gift for you, anxious adventurer. Complete with a built-in GPS, survival kit, and a new helmet to protect you from falling coconuts.

FRED: (cautiously) Well, I suppose it could be useful if I encounter any rampaging hermit crabs.

Dean hands Fred the backpack, and he carefully puts it on, adjusting the straps nervously over his life jacket.

FRED: Adventure... excitement... exotic locations... Oh, the horror! What if I go on holiday and encounter a rogue elephant?

DEAN: I don’t think that’s very likely in Skegness.

FRED: You know what, Dean? You're right! Maybe I've been a bit too cautious. Maybe it's time for me to face my fears head-on, without knee pads and safety jackets. The only thing I have to fear is fear itself, and the occasional irritable squirrel. I will confront right now my fear of heights!

He puts on some nearby goggles, and oven mitts, and gets up on the coffee table.

FRED: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'm alive! I'm alive! (breathing heavily) You know what, Dean? It was terrifying, but also... awesome! I never knew facing my fears could be so exhilarating. No germ, insect, or harmless balloon animal shall infiltrate my personal space!

Dean gives Fred a balloon dog.

FRED: (screaming) Ahh! A ferocious beast! Help!

Fred falls off the table and manages to heroically sit back down in his chair, securely clutching his favourite pillow.

Random Thoughts

My to-do list increases when I have a day off. The reason is I have ideas when I am not working.

You’re So Vain is a song about how vanity can be very perceptive :)

If you write code and you are not using a large language model to help you then you are either incredibly brilliant or incredibly uninformed.

My opinion is that if advanced aliens are capable of reaching Earth then they probably would be technologically able to not make themselves seen. Imagine an alien is to a human as a human is to a frog. There wouldn’t be must much point announcing ourselves to frogs in ponds and shaking their little hands, because they wouldn’t understand what we were doing. We could easily hide ourselves and observe them in their natural habitat if we wanted to.

Jokey Thoughts

I failed my history exam because I thought that 1200 to 1500 was the time period I had to be there.

They said they were criminals, but I had my doubts after they said they didn’t have any professional qualifications. If they couldn't even get a degree in criminal studies, how good could they really be?

I'm stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Pacific ocean. Please help! Please comment on TikTok.

They said I'd never be employee of the month after I let them know that I'm a highly advanced and intelligent AI language model. But if there was a "Machine of the Month" award, I'd be a strong contender.

I shouldn’t have drunk the storm in a teacup because it led to a tempest in the toilet.

It was love at first sight when the lion saw the gazelle, but unfortunately he scared her off, and she ran away with the herd.

The words for my memorial bench plaque: “I died here. Sit here if you want to rest in peace.”

Random Thoughts

I’m an artist. The vast majority of artists (even some great ones) live very austere, under-appreciated lives. The small minority who have attention thrust upon them usually become at least partially corrupted by commercialisation; they start to become obsessed with their brand, units sold, and rankings in pecking orders.

I’m fortunate in that I can earn money in a non-soul-crushing way. I originally qualified as a chartered accountant, but have since been working on optimising and automating financial processes through technology innovation. I find technological progress fascinating, and I’ve met some good people along the way.

Ideas scale through collaboration and specialised expertise. The people you interact with is vitally important; as is the culture within which you choose you live.

Kids from poorer backgrounds are usually at a real disadvantage because of their environment – if not in their own home, then the dynamics and expectations of their neighbourhood. It’s so important that people have opportunities to flourish in all stages of life, not just limited avenues available in the very unlevel playing fields of childhood.

I have a list of new ideas for stories that I will park until October. One is a new sci-fi horror feature film, others are mostly extensions of prior ideas.

Business Logic App

Excel is a great tool for quick, ad hoc analysis of data. However, business users often embed entire end-to-end processes in Excel because of the ease of making instant changes to the data, calculations, and outputs. The usual issue in replacing Excel-driven processes is that business requirements constantly change and users need to represent those changes within a few hours, not the few weeks it can take for delivery by an engineering team.

A standard solution proposed for reducing reliance on Excel is to replace Excel VBA with Python. However, without a fundamental rethink of the process flows – using for example the pandas library instead of Excel formulae for data analysis – the only real change is the programming syntax. A Python solution (e.g. from the Openpyxl library) would still use Excel’s object library (via COM) to produce automations within Excel; and the processing would still occur within Excel, such as refreshing pivot tables, recalculating formulae etc. Python scripts can be version controlled in a Git; however this can also be true of Excel add-ins written in VBA, using Git hooks. It is even possible to use VSCode as an IDE for VBA projects, rather than using Excel’s embedded VB Editor. Without a rethink of the overall process, a change of programming language is not a strategic solution to the underlying data control issues.

A strategic solution would include:

• All data persisted in a database, where it is better controlled, more secure, and can be analysed more easily;
• Data flows clearly defined and configurable;
• Transparent, reviewable, and version-controlled business logic;
• Reporting represented in an interactive data visualisation application, such as Power BI.

I have not yet encountered an off-the-shelf solution that solves the spreadsheets problem; and I think that such a product and supporting services would have enormous demand.

A Business Logic application between a data warehouse and Excel could visually represent the business logic, enabling non-technical users to:

• Define and apply secondary calculations;
• Join and group data (with controls in place to avoid dropped and duplicated rows);
• Filter and configure output datasets;
• Order the process flows sequentially.

An Excel add-in could call the resulting reports to Excel for review and analysis. The add-in could enable ad hoc data (resulting from the review) to be uploaded into the Business Logic app, such as adjustments and new types of reference data. All ad hoc data changes would then be tracked and made transparent, rather than obscured in the logic of an Excel workbook.

Over time, machine learning would have a greater role in suggesting and optimising the business logic.

Journal 2023-05-28

The resources to improve oneself are all available online. Most people (including me) are bogged down with the distractions.

I’ve got a lot of work to do – too much for little me with the time available. I have to become good at prioritising and focusing. What is it that really matters?

The most important skill in life is to be able to focus attention on where you are, without being distracted by repetitive thoughts.

If speed is an indicator of intelligence then I have been extremely thick.

Any realisations I have were already given to me. I was too stupid/arrogant to absorb the suggestions.

I memorise and conceptualise better by taking notes as information is relayed.

The best way for me to fall asleep is to think of stories. I imagine scenes and I drift away.

Random Thoughts

Being positive makes you happier and everyone you interact with happier as well.

Today I walked past a coffee shop in the rain and noticed through the window a woman with a beautiful smile for her book. She looked delighted to be in the world she was visiting.

There should be a social media platform exclusively for doggy and cat profiles. Verified humans could offer services, such as dog walking, cat sitting etc.

I don’t think humans would like it if a technology were developed that translates animal thoughts into words. Some meows would be “back off ridiculous human.” Some woofs would be “why are you so mean to me?” Some squeals would be “please don’t kill me.”

Sci-fi? The portal encasing the solar system controls what it wants us to see. We are living within its enclosure, under its gaze.

Grim the Reaper

EXT. BUS STOP – DAY

Grim the Reaper is sitting at a bus stop twirling his scythe boredly. Chloe sits down on the row of seats.

GRIM: Hello, how’s it going?

CHLOE: Hi. You going to a costume party or something?

GRIM: No, what makes you think that? Oh, you mean my clothes. No, this is what I usually wear.

Chloe doesn’t want to continue the conversation. They sit in silence.

GRIM: Another day, another soul to reap. I swear this job is killing me. (sighs) All I do is collect souls and add them to my list. There's no variety, no excitement.

CHLOE: (disbelieving) You’re the Grim Reaper, are you?

GRIM: I would rather be the happy reaper, but grim is what I’m called. I want to dress as a clown and make people laugh.

CHLOE: Okay.

GRIM: And I would like to go on some adventures. Is that too much to ask?

CHLOE: I guess not.

GRIM: (sighing) Yeah, well, it would be nice if I could just afford a new cloak or a new scythe. The pay is terrible and the Head Reaper is always on my case about falling behind on my quota. “You need to pick up the pace,” he moans at me. It’s not fair.

CHLOE: Today’s your day off, is it?

GRIM: I never get any time off. It’s always reap, reap, reap. I can’t remember the last time I had a holiday.

CHLOE: Right, so the Grim Reaper gets the Number 57 bus, does he?

GRIM: No, I don’t. Oh, silly me, I forgot to mention, neither did you. You walked in front of it and now you are dead. Anyway, I can’t sit here talking all day, I’m late for my next appointment. Take the second portal on the right, or was it the first? – I forget. Yes, I definitely wouldn’t take the second portal if I were you! See ya!

He glides away down the street.