Ah, job interviews. That magical
experience where a stranger decides your entire fate based on how well you can
pretend to be a functioning human for 30 minutes. If you, like me, suffer from
chronic overthinking, you’ll know that preparing for a job interview isn’t just
about research and confidence—it’s about meticulously crafting every possible
scenario in your head, and ultimately sabotaging yourself by saying something
deeply unhinged.
To help you navigate this minefield of anxiety, I’ve
compiled some foolproof job interview tips, designed specifically for
overthinkers.
1. When
They Ask, “Tell Me About Yourself”, Try Not to Have an Identity Crisis
This is where normal people say something simple like, “I’m
a marketing professional with five years of experience” and so on.
This is not what you will do.
Instead, you’ll briefly forget who you are, panic, and blurt
out something alarming like, “Oh wow, where do I even start? Well, I was born
on a Tuesday, I have a fear of deep water, and one time in primary school I
cried because I thought the sun was following me.”
Alternative Strategy: Memorise a safe, boring script. If you
feel the urge to overshare, don’t!
2. Maintain Eye Contact (But Not in a Psychotic Way)
Eye contact is important! But if you’re an overthinker, you
will immediately start obsessing about it.
Too much eye contact? Intimidating.
Too little? Suspicious.
Accidentally stare at their forehead instead? Now you look
cross-eyed.
Alternative Strategy: Use the “triangle method”—casually
shift your gaze between their eyes and nose. If you forget how to blink, just
fake a thoughtful nod to break the tension.
3. The “What’s Your Greatest Weakness?” Trap
A normal person would say something harmless like “I
sometimes get too invested in my work.”
You, however, are about to overthink yourself into oblivion.
• First thought: Should I be honest?
• Second thought: If I say something too weak, will they
think I’m a liar?
• Third thought: If I say something too real, will they call
security?
• Fourth thought: Why do I have so many weaknesses? Am I a fundamentally
flawed human?
And before you know it, you’ve said something horrifying
like, “My biggest weakness is that I feel crippling guilt over what I did in
the summer of 2009.”
Alternative Strategy: Pick a fake weakness. Something
harmless. Something that makes you sound both flawed and employable. Try: “I
sometimes over-organise things” or “I care too much about the Oxford comma.”
4. The Deadly Silence After a Question
They ask a question. You answer. Then… silence.
At this moment, your brain will catastrophise at lightspeed:
• Oh no. They hated my answer.
• Are they waiting for me to say more?
• Did I accidentally insult their entire family?
• Did I just ruin my entire future?
To fill the silence, you will start nervously rambling. You’ll
tell them a completely unnecessary story. You’ll say, “Does that make sense?”
27 times. You’ll add an awkward laugh at the end, even if the topic wasn’t
funny.
Alternative Strategy: When you finish your answer, STOP
TALKING. Count to three in your head if needed. Interviewers sometimes pause—it
doesn’t mean they’re judging your soul.
5. “Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?”—A Loaded
Question
Normal people answer this with “I hope to advance my skills
and grow within the company.”
Overthinkers? Oh no. We see this as a trap.
• What if I don’t know?
• What if in five years I’m dead? Should I factor that in?
By the time you’ve finished spiralling, you’ll blurt out
something like, “In five years? Oh. Um. Ideally, I’d like to have a dog.”
Instead, say something about how all your ambitions will be
fulfilled by devoting your precious life’s energy to working for their tedious
company (but try not to mention the tedious part).
6. Handling an Unexpected Question Without Having a
Meltdown
Some interviewers like to throw in an unexpected question
just to see how you react.
• “If you were an animal, what would you be?”
• “Describe yourself in three words.”
• “How many basketballs would fit in this room?”
Your overthinking brain will not process this like a fun
challenge. It will immediately panic.
• Why basketballs?
• What if I pick the wrong animal? Am I now stuck with that
as my spirit guide?
• What are three words that sum me up? “Chronically,
Anxious, Overthinker”??
Before you know it, you’ve answered, “I’d be a squirrel
because I have a lot of anxiety and like snacks”—and now you’ve ruined your
credibility.
Alternative Strategy: Take a breath. Laugh a little. If
needed, stall with “That’s a great question!” while your brain catches up.
7. Ending the Interview Without Ruining Everything
The interview is almost over. You’ve survived. Now comes the
final hurdle: the goodbye.
If you’re an overthinker, this will not go smoothly.
You will accidentally say “You too” when they say, “Good
luck.”
You will wave in a weird way.
You will stand up too quickly and knock over your chair.
You will walk to the wrong door and then have to turn around
in shame.
Alternative Strategy: Move slowly. Think before you speak.
If you mess up, just pretend, with confidence, that you meant to do it.
Final Thoughts
If you’re an overthinker, job interviews are basically an
extreme sport. So breathe. Speak slowly. And for God’s sake, do not talk about
squirrels.
Unless the interviewer loves squirrels. Then, by all means,
lean into it.
